I've Been Stalking

Our adoption agency, All God's Children International, put out a call on Facebook a few months ago to share your blog with others who had gone through or are going through adoption.  I threw my blog address in there and promptly forgot about it with all the hecticness (is that a word?  It's red underlined, so I'm going to say no) of us getting the house ready for sale, Chris commuting, and the move.

I routinely peruse any new followers I have, and link back to their blogs to read them and see what they are about.  I love reading other adoptive mom's writing.  I love immersing myself in their feelings and thoughts while they are going through what we are going through.  I love getting those moments where I realize I am nodding my head and agreeing with everything they are saying.  I want to reach out to them, tell them that the other side is so close, and that when they are standing where I am standing, it will all be SO incredibly worth it.

And then I feel like a stalker.  Thoughts race through my head, letting in self-doubt, and insecurity.  What if they think I am crazy?  What if they don't like me?  It's my junior high insecure self popping up and whispering in my ear and I need to give her a stern look and tell her to take stock of everything that's happened.  I want to tell her to look at my beautiful children: one by birth and two by adoption, and let her decide if my insecurity has a place in this world.  Let her decide if my passion for domestic adoption - especially of older children in the foster care system - is insecurity.  And I am not surprised when she sits down and shuts the hell up.

I'm a 'tell it like it is' girl.  Sometimes it's gotten me in trouble; other times, it's lost me friends.  More often than not, I've been told it's refreshing because my friends always know where they stand with me. In the grand scheme of things, I won't change who I am.  I would rather slap you with honesty than kiss you with a lie.  I believe a large part of who I am comes from having to be honest.  Honest with myself, and honest with others.  And I won't change that now.  And I won't apologize for it.

And here I stand, one year and four days after learning that I would, indeed, be a mother again.  On November 23rd of 2010, we received a phone call that changed our world forever.  I couldn't have been more happy for that phone call and yet honestly, at the time it scared the crap out of me.

On the other side, looking back, I can smile at how far we've come.  And I just want to reach out and share that with everyone who's blogs I am now stalking who are going through the same process.

Is that weird?

There but for the grace of God go I

We received some pretty upsetting news today. Our committee was postponed because of the dropping of the ball on some pretty important information. Apparently there was some disclosure that should have been made to the families that wasn't. And the committee felt it was important enough to delay proceeding.

To say that I am upset, is an understatement. I was dreaming about my kids being home for Thanksgiving. About a table full of kids and laughter and fun. About heading out early the day after to go pick and cut our Christmas tree. About decorating and making memories.

Now that's been delayed for two weeks.

I have to remember it is all in God's timing. And that He is in control.

It's a hard lesson to swallow. And maybe a lesson I need to learn.

Today is the Day.

Today is it. The day we've been waiting for, anticipating, hoping for, praying for.

I'm nervous, nauseous, jittery, anxious, on the verge of crying, and I just want to crawl back in bed with my husband and just cuddle until we hear the news.

Our hearing is at 1 Pacific Time today. Please pray. Pray, send good thoughts, vibe, whatever you do.

Today is the Day.

November is National Adoption Awareness Month

November is National Adoption Awareness Month

Click on the link above for some information.

Please pray for our family, as we wait to hear whether or not we've been lucky enough to be chosen to become the parents of J&W, a sibliging group in the Oregon Foster Care System. Also pray for those families still waiting, and for the children who are also waiting. No child should ever be left without a family to call their very own.

Be Still...

We had our monthly checkup call with Emily, our social worker yesterday. She's getting ready to leave on a missions trip to Thailand tomorrow. She'll be gone until the 13th of October, so two weeks.

There's a small part of me that is so impatient I can barely stand it. And I push that part of me down and remind myself that there is a plan. That God will prevail. And that we will have our little family. It's still tough to sit here and wait. I need things to move along. And that is when I am reminded.

Be Still.

It's so tough for me. Be still. Those two words that have never described me. I'm always go go go! There are most certainly times where I can sit and veg out by reading, or watching TV. On the outside I look as if I am being still. However, on the inside, my mind will race.

Be Still.

Be still. And KNOW that I am God. Psalm 46:10

The Power of Prayer

It's no secret that adoption can be a costly avenue. Adoption fees and expenses can add up quickly, and when you factor in the cost of preparing a room and necessities with a week's notice (sometimes less) it can add up.

I talk to Jesus in the shower in the morning. Yep, He and I have some pretty good conversations. I mostly talk, but sometimes if I shut my big mouth long enough, I can hear Him respond. Yesterday when I was in the shower, I told Him a few of my heart's desires, and expressed some of my concerns. He knows them, oh yes He does. I was laying them at His feet, unburdening myself, letting Him carry them. I'm pretty Type A, so it's really hard for me to relinquish control, although I'm trying. (Stop rolling your eyes or they'll fall out of your head!)

I have a friend who lives in North Carolina. She is married to a childhood friend of mine. Her and I have never - EVER - met in person, but you know what? It doesn't matter. I consider her one of my best friends because I admire her, her faith in God, her love for her family, and her dedication to her friends. She is blessed with such a kind and generous spirit, and I truly believe that God brought us together for a reason.

Now before you click off my post, thinking I'm going to preach to you, just calm your clicky finger a minute. I tell you these things because my faith is a large part of who I am. I have a deep rooted faith in Christ and I don't mind telling people. So that's the background.

Today I got an email from Melissa - she sells Scentsy. I got her monthly marketing email and thought to myself - I can have a virtual party on her website and all my friends can order from there! Perfect! So I facebook messaged her to tell her I wanted to do it. She messaged me back to tell me that she would call me - because she wanted an update on our process.

So she calls me, as she's driving home, and we talk about the adoption, and what's happening.

Then she asks me if we're doing a fundraiser. I tell her that, no, Chris and I are going to try and pay for it ourselves. She then proceeds to tell me that she wants to have a fundraiser on her site, with all of the proceeds going towards our funds for adoption.

Let me tell you. It's a good thing I have an office, because I completely lost it. Lost. It. I had to shut my door, and compose myself. What a RELIEF! Our friends and family can help us, and still do some shopping. And get a permanent Scentsy consultant. And see the power of prayer and the goodness of (wo)mankind.

So this post is dedicated to Melissa. I love you, more than you know. You are our angel. Thank you for walking with us in this journey, and seeing our desires, and listening to your heart. **KISSES**

To purchase and help donate towards our fund, please go to this website.

https://maa.scentsy.us/Home

On the right side, you will see Open Parties. Click on the Herren Family Adoption Fundraiser, and buy from there.

And if you don't know what Scentsy is, you SHOULD!

Thanks all. Stina OUT!

Home Study Commentary and Update July 2010!

Our social worker, Emily, came to our house yesterday morning for a visit and a chat with The Boy and us. She interviewed him alone for about ten minutes, and then we all sat down with her to talk about the neighborhood and our area and the types of things it has for kids and what research we've done.

We then took her on a tour of our house. She pointed out TWO things that we need to fix. We need to have gates on the inside stairs and outside on the deck on the stairs; and we need to have child proof locks on our medicine and cleaning supplies cabinet. Easy peasy.

What happens next? Well, according to Emily, she doesn't have to come back! That's right folks, we did it in ONE visit! She told us that she will have our home study written up in about two weeks, and then she'll email it to us for factual proofing. Making sure names and dates and SSN's are correct. That kind of thing.

Once that's done and approved, we will receive a large notebook with all of the current bulletins of children looking for forever families. She said that right now there are about 80 children in the system. I told her I wished I could take them all! It is SO sad to me that people are adopting outside of the US when we have SO many children here, in our own country, who need us! They NEED us!!

Sigh. I'm off my soap box. Forgive me, especially if you have adopted internationally. It's a choice each family has to make, and I understand that. I do. It just makes me sad when I see that Oregon alone has 80 in the system right now.

Moving on.

Chris and I need to start working on our Family Book. It's a picture and story book that you make for the child/ren you have chosen, so that they can see who you are and where they will live and the family activities they will be a part of once they are placed. It gives them a sense of peace knowing who we are, where we live, what we look like, and what we like to do. And she told us that when we narrate in the book, that we can use 'mommy' and 'daddy' and 'big brother' when referring to ourselves and The Boy. Awesome!

We also asked about bringing them on a trip out of the state in a few months (yes, I'm being entirely optimistic that God is going to place us that soon. He's moved everything else along quickly, I don't see Him letting us down now!) and she said that would be no problem, just no out of country trips! So awesome on that!

From the bottom of our hearts - we want to thank everyone that has prayed, and encouraged, and sent little notes, and checked up on us. We're so thankful to have you all as our friends and family on this incredibly awe-inspiring journey. I just pray now that God shows us the reason (or reasons!) for this journey.

Chris already has the carseat(s) picked out. So let's get this show on the road Lord!

I Really Need to Learn to Give it to God

Really. My biggest problem is that I am a control freak. I need to feel in control of my life. And that causes more problems sometimes than it helps.

I see that my last post there - below this one - on January 25th I was feeling sorry for myself. I thought that with all of my efforts and perseverance, I would land myself a job. I left out the most important part though - I forgot to put it in God's hands. Of course, I still needed to do the work, but giving it up to Him was a missing piece.

Don't get me wrong, you can't simply sit back and say "OK Lord, do your thing", because that doesn't work either. You still have to do the leg work, but give it to Him, and the leg work won't feel that hard.

Shortly after I wrote that post - I received a phone call from an employment agency. I started a job on Tuesday the 29th. It's considerably more pay than my previous slave wages, and I get to wear jeans every day if I wish.

I was humbled, and reminded that the Lord works in mysterious ways. Yes, He does.