6th Circle of Hell, or Post Office Madness

I had a few errands to run this morning, so once I peeled myself out of bed, I gathered myself into what resembled a respectable appearance (meaning I actually washed my face) and I was off.

I picked up a caramel mach at the 'Bux, and mosied over for a pedi. After that I headed to the mall to Bath and Body Works to pick up my check from my part time job, and spend some monies. Onward to the bank to deposit said check, and then off to Tarjay to get some weenie candy.

I was feeling pretty good about the fact that I had accomplished so much, so I decided to head home and get some more laundry done. I pulled into my driveway, gathered my belongings, and headed to the mailbox. Nothing spectacular, a couple of bills, my Williams Sonoma catty, which is always a good time, and some junk.

I headed up to my house. And that's when I saw it. The subpoena of torture. Stuffed so nonchalantly into the crevice between my door and the door jamb. My decree of execution. I had missed a delivery of an Express Package from the United States Post Office. BUT - I could come pick it up! Just head down to the good ole PO! And so, I did.

Let me just say that I don't think the post office is terrible, per se; I do think that the majority of the clientele were dropped on their heads, repeatedly, as infants.

And today was no different.

I get there at 2:15. They close at 3:00. I am probably fifth in line. Not bad, right? These PO employees are rockin through people. Getting them in, out and on their way. I was getting glad in my pants! I'm gonna get out of here in a reasonable.....screech! What's that? Oh! Dumbass, party of one, two people in front of me.

He gets called to the counter and the ensuing conversation went like this:

Postal Worker: Can I help you?
Mr. Out on a Day Pass: I got this notice in the mail that I have a package and need to pick it up.
PW: Do you have the notice with you sir?
Mr. Clueless: No, but I can give you my address.
PW: Sure. (She grabs a piece of paper) Go ahead.
Mr. Should Have Taken His Meds: Uh..let's see...16100 SW Sorry Ass Excuse for a Human Lane, Tigard.
PW: Is that 97223, or 97224? We have two zip codes for Tigard.
Mr. How Does This Man Function in Society: Uh - uh......um....ooh. Uh - how about let's try 97223. That should be it.

Conversation in my head: SHOULD be it? You don't know your own freaking ZIP CODE? Are you kidding me? This is going to be great blog fodder!

PW: OK sir, I will go look, I'll be right back
Mr. Dumbass: OK.

Postal Worker goes to look for package, but I am suspecting it wasn't a Herculean effort, if you know what I mean.

PW: I am sorry sir, I cannot find it. Do you remember what box was marked on the notice? Was it a letter, parcel, package, box? (Hands him a sample notice and he looks it over)
Mr. Holy Shit, Could He Be Any Stupider: Ummm...let's go with package.

At this point folks, the line is starting to get annoyed. Why in the HELL do people insist on wasting other people's time by not coming to the game prepared? WHY? So this time, the conversation wasn't in my head, it was out of my mouth: "Let's go with? How about let's go with go get the damn notice!" The guy in front of me chuckles. Asshat at the counter doesn't even turn around at this point. I think he could feel the gamma rays of death that the people in line were shooting him. Oh - and the best part? It's 2:40 now. Seriously!

PW: I am sorry sir, I cannot find it without the number on the notice.
Mr. Needs a Kevlar Vest to Leave the Building at This Point: Oh. Well, ok, it's really not a big deal I guess. I can go home and see if I can find the notice. Thanks!

Dum dum leaves without a single glance at anyone in line. Good luck in the parking lot buddy, I'm pretty sure I saw someone heading out there with a blanket and a baseball bat.

So I finally get my package and go home. Where I decided to blog the entire experience. Cause it was SO incredibly unbelievable.

But you know what they say: Truth is stranger than fiction!

Et Tu, McDonald's?

It's been one of those months here. One obstacle after another. I'm a bit stressed at work (mostly due to the workload, partly due to the fact that I HATE what I am doing). Granted, I don't hate everything I am doing, but I do hate some parts of it.

So today being a particularly crappy day, what with SO annoying co-workers and crappy service from one of our wholesalers, I decided McDonald's was in order for lunch. I know, bad girl. But sometimes, I just want some goddamned french fries, OK?

So I go. I ordered the Chicken Selects meal and a diet Dr. Pepper. Go ahead, roll your eyes now. So I get my order and go back to my office. I unpack the fries (YUM!) and the chicken selects. I then dump my box of fries in the top compartment of my chicken selects box. And that's when I see it. The fry box has a Nutrition label on it.

What. The. Fuck.

McDonalds is comfort food. Food you KNOW is bad for you but that every once in a while, you just need to have. I don't NEED the nutrition facts. I already know that I have most certainly eaten my week's worth of carbs and fat halfway through that box o' fries. I don't need to SEE that I've done it. It's like going through a haunted house with the lights on. Yeah, I know that actors are fake, but do I really need to have it spelled out for me? No.

So I propose that Mickey D's do us all a favor - or at least the ones who don't frequent the place. (Which would exclude all the whiskey tango people that think eating there is a night out) Offer the "Eyes Wide Open" or "Eyes Wide Shut" value option. I'd like mine shut please.

Thank you.

I'm Surrounded By Idiots

I swear sometimes that my doctor doesn't listen to me. I have repeatedly let them know what our plan is for getting knocked up again. Clomid, ultrasound monitoring, HCG trigger shot, and then insemination.

Lather, Rinse, Repeat.

So why is it that every single time I call, she's trying to throw something else at me? She mentioned injectables, we decided we don't want to go that route quite yet. Next thing I know, I am getting a call from IVFMeds.com letting me know my meds are ready to ship. The convo was fabulous.

Me: Meds? I didn't order any meds from you.
IVF: No, your doctor called it in for you.
Me: Well, I don't know why she did that, we have decided not to go that route right yet
IVF: Well, I'll just put them on hold for you...
Me: No, go ahead and cancel them. I won't be ordering them.
IVF: (with a decidedly nastier tone in her voice) Look, I'm just the middle man. I'm just saying that I'll put them on hold....
Me: (with a decidedly nastier tone in my voice) Well, I don't care who you are. I asked you nicely to just cancel the order. You can hold it until the cows come home, we aren't going that route. And by the way, if we ever DO decide to go that route, I sure as HELL will not be ordering from you.
**CLICK**

Really? Seriously? This is who IVF Meds has representing them? Gah!

So I call my doctor, and explain for what seems like the eleventy billionth time, that we are not going that route.

I know right now you are probably thinking - get a new doc! A-ha! If it were only that easy! See, my insurance doesn't cover fertility. They cover elective abortions, but not fertility. They'll cover you if your kid has a kid, but not fertility. They'll cover effing VIAGRA for crying out loud, but they don't cover fertility. Can ya tell it chaps my ass a bit?

So, this is the only RE in the area that accepts my insurance (what she can bill, she does, like diagnostic ultrasounds, lab work, etc.), and so I go to her.

So that's my story.

So far.

A little catchup time

So I was just reading over my old posts and realized that I really need to catch you up on what's been going on.

So yeah, last we left the happy couple, they had finally managed to get knocked up. Three years of waiting and they were pregnant! Oh, and they were moving back to Phoenix. But (insert sinister music here) not for long.

So we went back to Phoenix, and things were going great. Until, that is, my January checkup appointment with the OB. He couldn't find the heartbeat, and after ultrasound confirmation, we discovered that we had lost the baby. Heartbreaking as it was then, and still is, Chris and I have given it up to God and moved on.

In March, we loaded up the moving truck (again) and relocated to Portland. Land of the Ports. And the lagers and the stouts and the ales.

So here we are - in the rainy PNW. And getting ready to go another round of IUI.

I guess that's it. Stay tuned for more.

And we're on in three...two..one.

So after a lot of consideration and some good thoughts from my sister, I decided to reopen the blog. The miscarriage that Chris and I suffered in January was probably one of the hardest things we have ever had to face as a married couple, and I think we came through it with flying colors.

So now I have decided to journal and share about this struggle with infertility. As most of you know, I have a quick wit and a sharp tongue, so if you are easily offended, well, then you must not be one of my friends, cause them bitches don't give a.....

Oh yeah, family show.

So if you want to read of the sometimes humorous, sometimes heartbreaking journey that my husband and I are on trying to produce a youngin, then read on fellow member. Read on.

If not, I don't need your comments, or your opinions. It's MY blog, which means I get to post what I want to. So neener.

**wink**

Checking In - 10 Weeks

So I am at 10 weeks, 5 days. The fatigue is starting to subside. The nausea is also starting to subside. I still, however, cannot eat a full meal at one sitting. I have to space out the food. This whole drinking 8 glasses of water a day thing has me irritated. I need to buy some flavored water. That will get it in me faster. I just don't like plain water. Never have.

Chris and I bought some baby blankets. We also bought some onesies. We were at Carter's and they were having a 50% off everything in the store sale. We won't find out what we are having until the beginning of March, so we went neutral with the blankets.

We had our first ultrasound on December 13th, so I got to see the baby's heartbeat as an early birthday present! It was beating at 143. And yes, there is only one in there.

We go on Wednesday 1/10 for my next check-up. Hopefully we'll be able to hear the baby's heartbeat.

That's all for now. Stay tuned.

It's Official. I am Knocked Up!

Fertility and the reproductive system of the female body are my specialty. No, I am not a doctor, I am simply a female who has been dealing with secondary infertility for three years. I know more about the cycle and process of getting pregnant and staying pregnant then I ever thought possible.

I also knew going in to our insemination on Monday November 6th, 2006, that our chances of conceiving were slim to none. Or 12% if you want scientific fact. So when I plodded downstairs to take a pregnancy test on Wednesday November 22nd, 2006, I was fully expecting a BFN. That's Big Fat Negative to you fertile folk.

So for what seemed like the eleventy billionth time, I peed on a stick, placed it on the counter, and finished doing what I needed to do. I got up, turned to look (it wasn't even 30 seconds later) and there it was. A BFP. (Big F-ing Positive. Cause at this point, you use the F word). I couldn't even believe my own eyes. I swear I stood there looking at it for at least three hours. But it was only a few minutes. After years of trying and a solid 5 months of poking, prodding, and various medical crapola, we had effing done it!! 12% chance of getting pregnant on the first try and lo and EFFING behold, we did it!!!

I raced upstairs to my still-sleeping husband (have I mentioned it was 6:00 AM?) and threw the lights on. By this time I am a blubbering idiot. "WE FREAKING DID IT!!" I am screaming at the poor guy, who is still trying to adjust to the overhead glare. "HOLY SHIT! We freaking did it!!" Chris had a huge grin on his face, he looked at the stick and said "Well look at that."

Fast forward to 7:00 AM when I made him take me to CVS to buy another test. I bought a two-pack and thank the good Lord above that I did, cause I screwed the first one up. Yeah, yeah, don't ask me how, I just DID. So now I had to wait until I had to pee again to take the last one. It was a digital test, and the word "PREGNANT" came up within thirty seconds.

We did it. We effin did it.

Last Stand at the OK Corral

Today was my last official day at work. It just completely snuck up on me. Three weeks ago I was looking at my last day and thinking it was so far off, and now Turkey Day is a mere 5 days away.

It was a bittersweet day today. I went to my last Staff Standup Meeting. I met with my boss and the new Corporate Sales Manager, and our other Manager to "pass the torch". I wrote ONE more contract today. I cleared out the office. My co-workers took me to lunch and then got me an ice cream cake. Then I made the rounds and started the semi-painful process of saying good bye.

There will be a lot I will miss about my time at the Hotel. There will be some things I will NOT miss. Overall, it was tough to leave, but a big relief all at the same time.

We Go Live in Three...Two...One...

Chris left this morning. He got on a plane and headed out west sucka! I don't know why, but I always have to say 'sucka' when I say 'headed out west'.

He called me just a minute ago and said the words I knew he would eventually say. "There's no way we can live with my parents. They have too much stuff!" In the interest of maintaining a positive relationship with his parents, and having a little privacy, we're going to (GASP) Rent An Apartment!!!

OMG! I feel like I am 19 again and have to rent because I can't afford a house. Sweet Mary. I guess I have to keep reminding myself that we OWN a house. We just haven't been able to SELL the house.

However, now I have something big to look forward to. Our own place. Somewhere where I can unpack all of my stuff. And make it my own.

Look for me in the Valley at an apartment complex near you.

They Took My Car...Again

So part of the whole relo package with the company is that they ship one car. Which is fine, because Chris and I are actually looking forward to driving across the country. Again. After all, the first time we did it, we may have just missed something. Though I doubt it.

Such was my story this morning. After another fitful night with no sleep (I just do NOT sleep well when my husband is not here), I woke at about three in the morning to the pounding of the rain on the roof. It always rains when we move. When we moved from Phoenix to San Diego, it POURED on the drive over. When we moved from San Diego to Connecticut, it POURED for eight straight days. And now we are getting ready to leave and it is POURING. I am seeing a pattern, though I am not quite sure yet what it means.

I had received a phone call from the auto shippers last night stating that my pickup would be between 9:00 and 12:00. Okie dokie. So here I sat, watching the rain, waiting for my car to be picked up. At around 11:20 (of course), I saw the mini carrier pull up. As I stood in the rain, waiting for him to finish the paperwork, so that I could get to work, it hit me.

We're moving.

I was at once anxious, and excited, and nervous. My palms started sweating and I felt dizzy. Should we really be leaving before the house is settled? I mean, it was ok when we lived in San Diego, because Phoenix was only an hour plane ride. Now we will be 5 hours away. And two time zones. It's all quite overwhelming.

I take a deep breath. It's only the start.

I'm BACK!

So I've decided that I'm going to keep up with this thing. I need a creative outlet and this one affords me the opportunity to do just that.

So what's been happening....let me think. Oh yeah! We're MOVING BACK TO PHOENIX!!!

We are so very thrilled to be moving back, we never thought we would be. However, the move will afford us some opportunities that we wouldn't have had here in Connecticut. And we are very excited about that. Add in the fact that Chris and I met, fell in love and were married in Phoenix, well, that's a big plus. And then there is all of our friends and family that is in Phoenix. Which is a huge plus.

The pros definitely outweight the cons on this one.

Fertility

Is a long and arduous journey. And one that I never in my life imagined that I would EVER be going on. However, a series of unfortunate events has led me down this path of blood tests and ultrasounds, Clomid and Ovidrel.

It is what it is and both Chris and I seem to have accepted that, both of us determined to do what it takes to get through this and get what we want. I guess that's half the battle.

What the Hell Is Going On Around Here?

I look at the date of my last entry and think - am I really that busy? Is there really no time for me to do one little humourous entry into my online journal? Or is it that maybe the magic is gone? Yes, that could be it, the magic has disappeared from this online thing.

So I will simply say not to expect too much from me for a while. I am in a creative funk. I went into my scrap studio last night and tried to create. Nothing.

Golf

I have not played the game of golf for very long. In fact, the last time I actually played was when we still lived in Phoenix, a good two years ago.

So when I had the chance to play in a charity golf tournament with my husband and two of our friends, I jumped at the chance. Especially since it was for charity and there was really no pressure on me to perform well.

We arrived at the golf course at 8:40 am on Friday, ready to smack some balls around. I had my clubs, some new shoes, and pretty pink balls. Let me tell you how excited I am about these balls! They have a clear plastic cover, which gives the pink on the inside a depth that just is a visual masterpiece. Seriously, I was impressed with my golf balls!

At 10:00 am, we finally got off to start the tournament. It was a scramble format with a shotgun start, and our team started on hole dos. That's two for all of you gringos. The men tee'd off and we women stood back and admired their strength! Woo hoo! We were off to a good start.

Hole three was interesting as one of the guys in our group (coughcoughAARONcoughcough) was trying to chip onto the green, a mere 5 yards away, and swung for the fences, clearing the golf course and scaring the bejeesus out of some soccer mom in her mini van on the road adjacent to the course. On a side note, I wonder how many golf balls these people who live in the houses surrounding the course find in their yards on any given day. I know two of them will find some pretty pink balls in the backyard soon. Moving on.

As the day wore on and the beer girl realized we were her best customers, we started getting fatigued. I did well overall, for not having golfed in so long. Chris did well, Steph did well, even Aaron did well. We had a good time, really. Mulligans and birdies abounded, beer flowed freely, there was some crazy golf cart antics thrown in for good measure, and tons of sexual harassment on the links.

Just another good day at the golf course.

Springtime in New England

Chris and I left San Diego on a beautiful Southern California day. The weather was fantastic, the breeze warm and beautiful off of the Pacific. The sky was blue with soft puffy clouds.

We arrived in New England a week later, October 1st to be exact, on a blustery, rainy fall day. It was dreary, windy and wet. The sky was gray. We had to make a trip to the mall to gear up for this crisp fall, since we hadn't packed accordingly, and our stuff would not be able to be unpacked until our house was bought and moved in to, a good thirty days away. We were bunking down at the hotel, and there wasn't a whole lot of room.

We moved into our house on November 1st. The leaves were a beautiful red and orange blur, and started falling en masse. By Thanksgiving, we had our first snowfall. We hibernated for the winter. It's difficult to do anything productive outside when you have spent the better part of the last 15 years in two climates that allowed for shorts and t-shirts year round.

So with a few false starts and teaser days, we actually broke into spring for good this week. Suddenly, we were renewed. We've bought flowers and plants for the yard. We bought new patio furniture for the deck. We gave the house a thorough spring cleaning today.

Chris and I sat on our deck tonight, admiring the cool Spring night air. We can honestly say that we are finally feeling like this is a place we can live in for a while. Mid-winter, we were planning for warmer climates. Right now, we're thinking this isn't that bad.

Of course, summer and humidity, two things that are by now foreign to us, are only days away.

Slacking

On a whim and in between phone calls and meetings today I decided to revisit my Blog. Then I realized I haven't blogged in over a month. Well, ok, it's a DAY over a month, but it has still been a while.

So let me catch you up really really quick:

Work, work, work, Puerto Rico, work, work.

Yup, we snuck a quick weekend to PR in there. Chris' birthday was May 3rd and I decided to take him on down. Well, he hooked up the plane tix, and I, well, *I* hooked us up FAT with a hotel room....POOLSIDE....in PR.

Puerto Rico is a beautiful island, full of beautiful, friendly people. They all are bilingual to some extent, with most of them being able to easily transfer between Spanish and English. Even that nice man who insisted on bringing me Midori Pina Coladas (and anyone at our Memorial Day BBQ Bash will get to taste those) and on bringing Chris DonQ and cokes while we lounged poolside for three days was a gem. Nelson was his name. His Spanish was impeccable and his English was really good.

Chris and I did what any fun loving American couple would do while on a short vacation. We sunned. Oh, we did some touristy stuff, but mostly laid by the pool and lounged. And drank. And tanned. And drank. And lounged.

It was a nice preview to our Jamaica vacation...in T-minus 4 months one week and one day....and counting.

Cold - Crossfade

Looking back at me I see
That I never really got it right
I never stopped to think of you
I'm always wrapped up in
Things I cannnot win
You are the antidote that gets me by
Something strong
Like a drug that gets me high

What I really meant to say
Is I'm sorry for the way I am
I never meant to be so cold to you

And I'm sorry about all the lies
Maybe in a different light
You could see me stand on my own again
Cause now i can see
You were the antidote that got me by
Something strong like a drug that got me high
I never meant to be so cold

I never really wanted you to see
The screwed up side of me that I keep
Locked inside of me so deep
It always seems to get to me
I never really wanted you to go
So many things you should have known
I guess for me theres just no hope
I never meant to be so cold

Busy Like A...

Like a what? Why does everyone always say "Bee"? Bees are pre-programmed to be busy, doing busy work. I wouldn't exactly call what I do "busy work". Yes, I am busy DOING my work, but it is always keeping me on my toes. Things can ebb and flow and the tide can change at any given moment. One minute, I am bored out of my skull and the next I am so busy that my desk looks like a filing system organized by a three year old.

There's a lot of thanklessness in the position I am in. Not so much from the clients, but from the management. Fortunately, I can lay my head down at night knowing that I did a good job. However, words of encouragement tend to motivate people, and sometimes a simple "Good Job" or a "Thank You" would suffice. The funny thing is that the management has been heard "thanking" those who are more pretty, or younger, or who have bigger boobs. Yup, I said it. And now it's out there. I'm not saying this person didn't deserve an enthusiastic "Great job" for a flyer she spent the better half of the day on (when my 12 year old could have whipped it out in about twenty minutes), but I am saying that the preferential treatment is a sight to behold.

As are the boobs.

I wonder if my husband will get me that boob job now.

It's The Little Things

I am a very visual person. It's a fact that most people find surprising about me because of my creative ability. And my creative ability usually entails the ability to visualize things in your head before putting them into reality. I am not one of those people who can go at something with no forethought and come out with a Picasso.

I tend to need to see something before I can quantify it. Take, for example, when I am reading a book. I can visualize the characters, visualize the setting. I have to, or else the mainstay of the story fades quickly and I lose interest. I can do this irregardless of whether or not the author has done a good job with the visual alliteration. I'll even sometimes change what the author wants me to see, if only because it makes more sense in my head.

I am an event planner. I plan parties, showers, and weddings. I will talk with my clients and doodle, sketch and make notes as I am talking with them. I draw out what they are saying to me, so that there is not much room for error. Sometimes I am completely off-base. However, 90% of the time, I am right on.

Take for example this weekend. I met with a mother planning her daughter's baby shower. As we stood in the room, talking about what she wanted where, I was sketching it on my pad. She took one look at it, and said, Yes! That's it!

I also met with a couple planning their wedding. I mentioned things to them that they hadn't thought of (which completely amazes me, considering my own OCD and control issues, but that's fodder for another blog), and one of them turns to me and says "You should do this professionally."

Cue the crickets chirping in the stunned silence.

I thought I was doing this professionally. I mean, I get a paycheck every two weeks. I plan and replan and plan again. I check and double-check every little detail. I may not be J-Lo with the headset and the apron full of pharmaceuticals, but I still do this professionally.

So I went home with a sense of accomplishment on Saturday. I had upgraded the Baby Shower, and booked a nice little wedding. I told my husband about the comment and he just chuckled and said "Well, maybe it's a springboard for something you can do as your own business!" Just what I needed to hear. Then he high-fived me.

He so gets me.

Scars

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And my scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

Drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
I'm pissed cause you came around
Why don't you just go home
Cause you channel all your pain
And I can't help you fix yourself
You're making me insane
All I can say is

[Chorus:]I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

I tried to help you once
Against my own advice
I saw you going down
But you never realized
That you're drowning in the water
So I offered you my hand
Compassions in my nature
Tonight is our last stand

[Chorus]

I'm drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
You shouldn't ever come around
Why don't you just go home?
Cause you're drowning in the water
And I tried to grab your hand
And I left my heart open
But you didn't understand
But you didn't understand

Go fix yourself

I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life
I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life