Be Still...

We had our monthly checkup call with Emily, our social worker yesterday. She's getting ready to leave on a missions trip to Thailand tomorrow. She'll be gone until the 13th of October, so two weeks.

There's a small part of me that is so impatient I can barely stand it. And I push that part of me down and remind myself that there is a plan. That God will prevail. And that we will have our little family. It's still tough to sit here and wait. I need things to move along. And that is when I am reminded.

Be Still.

It's so tough for me. Be still. Those two words that have never described me. I'm always go go go! There are most certainly times where I can sit and veg out by reading, or watching TV. On the outside I look as if I am being still. However, on the inside, my mind will race.

Be Still.

Be still. And KNOW that I am God. Psalm 46:10

The Ocho

Never in our history has the Spanish word for eight been more popular than when the movie Dodgeball came out in 2004. At the time, the fictional 'ESPN8 - The Ocho' was the channel you turned to for all things dodgeball related. That movie sparked the dodgeball craze, and the popularity of using 'ocho' as opposed to 'eight' in normal conversation.

What's that? Not in your circle of friends? Oh. Cho. HA!

Anyway - a few years later, along came Chad Johnson. Best known to most of you as Chad Ochocinco. Thanks to a relatively large ego, and a penchant for showboating, Chad legally changed his name before the 2008 season to reflect his jersey number, 85, or Ocho Cinco. On his application, he combined the name, to make it flow - Ochocinco. I'm not hating, he's one of my fantasy football players! He just better start kicking it into high gear. Four points for 44 rushing yards is NOT cutting it. Slacker.

Cut to today. Eight years ago today, I married my husband. He still makes me laugh until it hurts. He still says things that are so unexpected that they take my breath away. He still buys me little presents and sends me little messages that show me that he cares. He still knows when to let me vent and complain, and when to talk me off the ledge. We're affectionately referring to this year as The Ocho. Yes, I know we've just completed eight years of marriage and are about to enter into our ninth. But it's fun to say this is The Ocho.

So to my baby - Happy Anniversary. I love you more than I ever thought I could. And it gets better and better as the days pass by.

Chopped Champion!

I'm a big fan of Chopped on the Food Network. A big fan! So when my cousin Mike told us that he was appearing on Chopped in April, we were ecstatic! And guess what? He won the whole banana! The whole enchilada! The entire pie! (I'm running out of food analogies, so let's move on - thanks!).

When we went back East to my 20-ish high school reunion in May/June, we took the train into the City and went and visited him at one of his restaurants. He was very busy, but it was good to see him! I love Mike - he's such a great person, and a fantastic chef. He dropped the bomb on us that day that he would make a repeat appearance - but this time on Chopped Champions! (cue applause)

So tonight, tune in to the Food Network to watch my cousin kick BASS!**

Disclaimer - I don't really know if he wins, I just know he had a HUGE grin on his face when he was telling us. That is all.

Much Love!

The Power of Prayer

It's no secret that adoption can be a costly avenue. Adoption fees and expenses can add up quickly, and when you factor in the cost of preparing a room and necessities with a week's notice (sometimes less) it can add up.

I talk to Jesus in the shower in the morning. Yep, He and I have some pretty good conversations. I mostly talk, but sometimes if I shut my big mouth long enough, I can hear Him respond. Yesterday when I was in the shower, I told Him a few of my heart's desires, and expressed some of my concerns. He knows them, oh yes He does. I was laying them at His feet, unburdening myself, letting Him carry them. I'm pretty Type A, so it's really hard for me to relinquish control, although I'm trying. (Stop rolling your eyes or they'll fall out of your head!)

I have a friend who lives in North Carolina. She is married to a childhood friend of mine. Her and I have never - EVER - met in person, but you know what? It doesn't matter. I consider her one of my best friends because I admire her, her faith in God, her love for her family, and her dedication to her friends. She is blessed with such a kind and generous spirit, and I truly believe that God brought us together for a reason.

Now before you click off my post, thinking I'm going to preach to you, just calm your clicky finger a minute. I tell you these things because my faith is a large part of who I am. I have a deep rooted faith in Christ and I don't mind telling people. So that's the background.

Today I got an email from Melissa - she sells Scentsy. I got her monthly marketing email and thought to myself - I can have a virtual party on her website and all my friends can order from there! Perfect! So I facebook messaged her to tell her I wanted to do it. She messaged me back to tell me that she would call me - because she wanted an update on our process.

So she calls me, as she's driving home, and we talk about the adoption, and what's happening.

Then she asks me if we're doing a fundraiser. I tell her that, no, Chris and I are going to try and pay for it ourselves. She then proceeds to tell me that she wants to have a fundraiser on her site, with all of the proceeds going towards our funds for adoption.

Let me tell you. It's a good thing I have an office, because I completely lost it. Lost. It. I had to shut my door, and compose myself. What a RELIEF! Our friends and family can help us, and still do some shopping. And get a permanent Scentsy consultant. And see the power of prayer and the goodness of (wo)mankind.

So this post is dedicated to Melissa. I love you, more than you know. You are our angel. Thank you for walking with us in this journey, and seeing our desires, and listening to your heart. **KISSES**

To purchase and help donate towards our fund, please go to this website.

https://maa.scentsy.us/Home

On the right side, you will see Open Parties. Click on the Herren Family Adoption Fundraiser, and buy from there.

And if you don't know what Scentsy is, you SHOULD!

Thanks all. Stina OUT!

What's a Bulletin?

Now that our Home Study has been approved, we have been on the receiving end of weekly bulletins from the State detailing the information of that week's available children. Usually we get them on Friday, but this week they came on Thursday due to tomorrow being a 'mandatory furlough' day for state employees.

Bulletins have a picture of the child/children. It also contains their ethnicity, race, birthday, first name and last initial, and what county/area they are in and their social worker's name.

On the next page to three pages (depending on how many children and how much the social worker decided to write about the child(ren)), it goes into very brief detail about the child's temperament, likes and dislikes, any behavioral/mental/emotional issues, what their progression has been like since they've been in foster care, and reasons and history of removal. It will also detail whether or not the social worker for the child thinks that it is a good idea for the child to remain in contact with any biological family.

I've been alright with reading everything so far, until today. Due to confidentiality reasons, Chris and I are not allowed to share our bulletins with anyone. I will, however, say that the reasons for removal of the children of one of the bulletins we got today literally made me cry at my desk. It is unfathomable to me that an adult, someone who is supposed to protect and love these children can do the things that they do to them. These are innocent, little lives that need someone to stand up for them, and when these parents (and I use that term loosely) choose drugs, and abusive boyfriends, and partying over parenting? I can barely stand it.

Today, looking into those beautiful faces, I cried. I cried thinking about how scared, and alone they must have felt, that the one person in their lives that was supposed to love and care for them, broke that deal. I know that if it weren't for the parents who couldn't parent those children anymore, Chris and I wouldn't have this option for adoption. And it's a catch-22. I'm happy for this option, to be able to serve the children in our community, and to bring children home to our family that we can love, and protect, and take care of, and make them feel safe.

Just the thought of what gets them TO this option really hurts my heart. I told Chris today that if I were a millionaire, I would apply for ALL of them. Every. Single. Last. One.

The Dentist.

I've been a bad girl. I've been putting off some dental work that I've NEEDED to have done for a little while now. It's just that dental insurance, on a whole, is horrible. And the work I need done is expensive, and most likely only covered at the most 50% on my insurance. So I look at that number and say to myself - I would rather go on a vacation, or even a weekend getaway, for what this is going to cost me. And I do. Go on vacation. Not get dental work done.

It's finally come down to me needing to just bite the bullet and go.

So two weeks ago I casually asked my husband what the name of his dentist was. He told me. The reason I asked him is because this dentist is known for catering to the "Fraidy Cats", like me! I called and made an appointment.

At 7:00 a.m. on the morning of my appointment I was sitting in the waiting room. I was promptly called back and given the usual 'initial consultation and exam' gamut. They looked at my teeth, did a full set of XRays, and called the doctor over.

That's when things got crazy.

I have NINE freaking fillings that I need! NINE! In my defense, three of them are being redone. I also have been walking around with a broken tooth for, oh, I don't know, let's just say a long time. I've had a root canal done on it, but that's as far as it went. I always knew I wanted an implant to replace it, but have you SEEN the cost of dental implants? Plus, it can be a lengthy procedure. So we talked about that plan and he told me he would pull the tooth.

I also needed a cleaning. However, he did say that he was surprised that it's been so long since my last cleaning, and that my teeth looked really good. I take CARE of my teeth, I just don't LIKE being at the dentist. Hmph.

So fast forward to yesterday, Monday. Another 7:00 a.m. appointment. So not only is it Monday, it's also early, and I want to crawl back into bed.

I get in the chair, where I proudly tell the doc that I am going to skip the nitrous. He tells me everything he's going to do, in what order, and on with the show.

He begins by numbing me. Only when I say 'numb', I mean 'wondering if the left side of my face is still there'. I had to reach up several times because I just wasn't sure! Meanwhile, I had my iPod in, listening to some music. They SAY you should do that, and it will distract you. Except I had to keep turning it up because apparently when there are whining and grinding tools in your mouth, you can really hear them. Loud and clear.

So he does all the fillings first, and then we take a break. He comes back and finishes up shaping two of the fillings, and then starts in on the broken tooth. If I could just digress here for a minute and WARN YOU TO GET BROKEN TEETH TAKEN CARE OF RIGHT NOW, that would be great. So yeah, don't wait. Otherwise, he's yanking on your head, breaking more pieces of tooth, and eventually having to cut into your gum to get it out. From what I understand.

So then he cleans what he needs to clean, the hygenist polishes my teeth, and I'm out. Sat in the chair at 7:07 a.m., left at 9:33 a.m.

And I decided to go to work. It's billing for the month. I figured I didn't have to talk to anyone, so why the heck not?

Except the numbing wore off at about 1:30. And then the marching band moved in. And they were playing DJ Pauly D's new song "Bang that Beat". Not cool.

So I swallowed Ibuprofen and by about 3, they had gone home and left one lonely guy with a tambourine.

My honey sweetie lovey pie made me a delicious soft food dinner last night -one that I can only imagine will be something I eat when my kids finally put me in 'the home'. It was scrambled eggs, topped with melted cheddar cheese. Then we topped THAT with mashed potatoes. Don't knock it, it was actually really good!

I passed out around 9. Long day.

Pregnant. On Paper.

I shared with some people our great news of having an approved home study. A few of the girls commented back to me that I am now "Pregnant on Paper" or "Paper Pregnant". I love it!

So does that mean I can blame any weight gain on that?

Just asking!

Just A Little Email I Got Today...

I wanted to share a little email I received today:

Hi Chris and Christina,

Congratulations on the approval of your home study! Normally I would be mailing out a packet of bulletins for your review this week. However, if you would like to pick up the bulletins and your copy of the home study please let me know what day and time you would like to come in. If you would like me to mail the bulletins and home study I will do that this week.

Of course, I emailed her right back to ask if I could come pick them UP! In an HOUR!! Of course!!

Holy Hannah! This is happening right now!

Guess WHAT??

I have a rough draft of our written Home Study in front of me! Whoo hoo!! It's almost done! I've reviewed it (and parts of it made me cry), and I've corrected any mistakes on factual information, and sent my corrections back to the Social Worker. Which means we should have an approved Home Study document by early next week and we SHOULD be starting to look at kids to adopt by FRIDAY!

Did you hear that? Rather, did you READ that? FRIDAY!!! Are you kidding me? WOW.

On another note - my friend J stopped by this afternoon with her baby. What a GOOD baby he is! And what a relaxed mama she is! So awesome. We were together to plot and plan our friend C's baby shower. And that's all I can say about that because C reads this blog. Ha ha C! You thought you were going to get some skinny on here didn't you? Try again, sister.

Tonight we have dinner plans with some other friends, and then I'm heading out with a couple of girlfriends to see the former lead singer of Danity Kane, Shannon Bex, in her solo debut since the band was broken up by the uber selfish P-Diddy. Pretty stoked about that.

You all have a fantastic weekend!

Weekend Update with ME...not Tina Fey

This weekend is packed with goodness. Tonight my friend C and I are taking our friend N to dinner for her birthday! Yaya! The boys are having a 'bachelor' night. I'm sure much burping, farting, and video gaming will commence.

Tomorrow we have a party to attend in the evening.

Sunday we're taking The Boy to Mt. Hood to go on the Alpine Slides. Good times will be had.

I'll post some pictures later! Have a great weekend!

Home Study Commentary and Update July 2010!

Our social worker, Emily, came to our house yesterday morning for a visit and a chat with The Boy and us. She interviewed him alone for about ten minutes, and then we all sat down with her to talk about the neighborhood and our area and the types of things it has for kids and what research we've done.

We then took her on a tour of our house. She pointed out TWO things that we need to fix. We need to have gates on the inside stairs and outside on the deck on the stairs; and we need to have child proof locks on our medicine and cleaning supplies cabinet. Easy peasy.

What happens next? Well, according to Emily, she doesn't have to come back! That's right folks, we did it in ONE visit! She told us that she will have our home study written up in about two weeks, and then she'll email it to us for factual proofing. Making sure names and dates and SSN's are correct. That kind of thing.

Once that's done and approved, we will receive a large notebook with all of the current bulletins of children looking for forever families. She said that right now there are about 80 children in the system. I told her I wished I could take them all! It is SO sad to me that people are adopting outside of the US when we have SO many children here, in our own country, who need us! They NEED us!!

Sigh. I'm off my soap box. Forgive me, especially if you have adopted internationally. It's a choice each family has to make, and I understand that. I do. It just makes me sad when I see that Oregon alone has 80 in the system right now.

Moving on.

Chris and I need to start working on our Family Book. It's a picture and story book that you make for the child/ren you have chosen, so that they can see who you are and where they will live and the family activities they will be a part of once they are placed. It gives them a sense of peace knowing who we are, where we live, what we look like, and what we like to do. And she told us that when we narrate in the book, that we can use 'mommy' and 'daddy' and 'big brother' when referring to ourselves and The Boy. Awesome!

We also asked about bringing them on a trip out of the state in a few months (yes, I'm being entirely optimistic that God is going to place us that soon. He's moved everything else along quickly, I don't see Him letting us down now!) and she said that would be no problem, just no out of country trips! So awesome on that!

From the bottom of our hearts - we want to thank everyone that has prayed, and encouraged, and sent little notes, and checked up on us. We're so thankful to have you all as our friends and family on this incredibly awe-inspiring journey. I just pray now that God shows us the reason (or reasons!) for this journey.

Chris already has the carseat(s) picked out. So let's get this show on the road Lord!

I See You!!!

As most bloggers do, I have a stat tracker on this blog. No, it's not like Big Brother, it doesn't tell me your name, or phone number, or even blood type. What it does tell me is how I am getting my blog traffic, and where it may be coming from.

Sometimes I get traffic that comes from my link on my Facebook page. Sometimes it comes from a little message board I hang out at (shout out to the Peas!). And sometimes it comes from email updates I post to friends and family.

Either way, I'm glad you're here! Please stop in and stay a while! And leave a comment - I love them. Well, most of them. Anyway.

Have a great Fourth of July folks!

A Calm Weekend

Chris and I don't have a lot planned for this weekend. We have a work dinner to attend tomorrow night, and that's IT! Tonight we're making steak with onion blue-cheese sauce, a fresh salad and grilled corn on the cob. We're going to pop open a good bottle of red, and then retire to the theatre room (HA! I've always wanted to say that. It's really just the family room downstairs) and watch The Edge of Darkness with Mr. Gibson while we eat popcorn and relish the surround sound.

Tomorrow we'll hop on our bikes and head on over to the Beaverton Farmer's Market. We haven't been yet this season and I'm very excited about that. I'm even more excited to think about hitching one of those kid trailers to our bikes and bringing the littles! We have a fantastic fountain in the middle of our little downtown and the kids love to run through it!

Sunday we'll go to church, then come home and do some housework and yard work.

Right now, I'm enjoying the cool breeze and the 71 degree temps. Have a fantastic weekend everyone!

On Cruise Control

We're kind of on cruise control right now. Just hovering, waiting. My Boy is on vacation with his dad and stepmom for three weeks, and then he comes here for three weeks. Once he gets here, the Social Worker will come and interview him and check out our casa.

Until then, we're just...waiting.

In other news, we went camping this weekend and it was cold. And rainy. And we had to turn the heat on Monday (yes, the first day of summer) to take the chill out of the air. And this morning, Nick, my weather guy, (Well, he's not MY weather guy, he's the channel 8 weather guy...oh, you know what I mean) told me that the outlook for July is cold and wet.

Seriously?

Sigh.

I'm over it PNW. Really over it. Please bring me some nice weather. And soon.

A Quickie...

Heh. Maybe that's our problem.

Bah dum dum!

In roughly 40 minutes, Chris and I will be on the road to Detroit Lake, to camp for the weekend with some friends of ours! It's the official first camping trip of the summer. I'm so excited.

Yesterday Chris and I had our individual interviews and they weren't bad. Our social worker read our profiles (those 51 page martha's we had to fill out - God bless her!) and had some clarification questions.

Tuesday July 13th is our home visit. Bring it! Oh - and who wants to help me scrub my house to within an inch of it's life on July 10th and 11th?

Just kidding.

Sort of.

Have a great weekend. And don't postpone joy!

Sometimes He's Right. Sometimes.

My husband and I were discussing the coward anon poster over dinner last night. He looked at me and said 'open your comments back up. Those who know us, and those who understand everything we have gone through, will know that sometimes cowards just make comments without taking into account the entire picture. Besides, do you really think that person will ever come back to the blog again?'

I then had to explain to him that it irritated, then amused me.

But we also don't want our families NOT to be able to post. So I am sigh opening them back up.

On another note - I received a very uplifting private email from someone I came to know through an online message board that is now defunct. I asked her if I could use parts of her email. She told me the story about how OUR story has inspired her and her husband to start researching adoption. Awesome!

This is the line, however, that brought a little tear to my eye: I just wanted to let you know that your story inspired me, and don’t let the anonymous people get you down.

Thanks H!

A Little Vent - and an Update (near the end)

I started journaling about our adoption process in the hopes that it would eventually, someday, on a wing and a prayer, help someone else. At the very least, see what the process is. And at the most and in my wildest dreams - inspire someone to adopt.

I left the comments open so that anyone could post without having to register. I didn't want to be one of 'those blogs' that frustrates the casual reader because they don't have a Gmail account.

All of that had to change this weekend.

I made a comment on my last post about how I really want a girl, but that I know that Chris wants a boy. I went on to say that we were definitely getting two. It was an off-handed remark, and I was taken to task for it, accused of being 'cavalier' about adoption because they 'aren't dogs'.

Well, and excuse my language here, but no shit Sherlock.

Let me recap. Six years of fertility treatments. One devastating late cycle miscarriage. Months of being poked, prodded, injected, etc. Grieving the loss of that child that never was. Coming to terms with the decision to adopt. Having our lives completely analyzed and torn apart so that they can make sure we are suitable to adopt. Filling out massive amounts of paperwork, to include a FIFTY-ONE page personal profile. Background checks, fingerprints, CPS checks. Wanting to adopt a child from a system with a relatively HIGH level of special needs children.

Well, shoot! That certainly sounds cavalier to me!

Chris and I have been through hell and back with trying to start our own little family. We've prayed, cried, yelled, shaken our fists at God himself. We've fought, and grown closer, and our family and closest friends know our struggle. They've been there to support us.

So to have someone, an anonymous coward at that, comment on my blog about how cavalier I am? Well, of course first I was pissed.

Then I thought about it and started laughing. The last thing we are, is cavalier. I may have a sincerely dry sense of humour, but cavalier I am not.

With that being said, I want to keep the focus on the journey that we are taking to realize this dream of having a family of our own. So I had to put the comments on lockdown. You have to have a gmail account or be a registered Open ID user. I'm sorry to those of you who don't. It's crappy, but as they say - one bad apple.

And with that being said - I'll update you!

Chris and I had our couples interview on Thursday June 10. I think it went very well. We have our individual interviews on Thursday - mine is at 9, his is at 12:45. This is so that I can call him when I am done, and tell him what to say.

(To the anon poster - that was a joke. I figured I should point them out to you since you're apparently a Ruh-Tard*)

I'll update you when those are done! Thanks for reading!

*Total Hangover reference

Moving along...

We're back from vacation and glad that it's sunny today. Work today was really challenging. Really. Challenging. To the point where I feel like I may wake up and ask who shot JR. That challenging.

The one sunny bright spot in my day was a phone call from AGCI. Rebecca, specifically, telling us that everything is in, and we are going to start our home study! RIGHT ON! The BEST part of my day, bar none.

So here I sit, patiently waiting for a phone call from Emily, our social worker, to get the ball rolling. I am SO excited. We're one step closer to a little or two. I love littles. I especially love little girl littles. I had the privilege of spending the week at a school friend's house and I wanted to put her five year old in my pocket and take her home with us. LOVED her.

Then I got to see my other school friend Deana's 2.5 year old, Bella. Wanted to put her in my OTHER pocket and take her home with me. Yep, I've got baby girl fever. Oh boy. Or girl.

Chris wants a boy, I want a girl. We're definitely getting two.

Just In Time...To Leave

I sent in the last of our paperwork today. This included our 51 page personal profiles that Chris and I had to fill out. They asked all sorts of questions on everything from your childhood to your parenting style to the intimacy level in your marriage.

Yeah, that.

We had to fill them out separately, but we were allowed to compare our answers once we were through. It was AMAZING the similarities in our answers on many of the questions. And that's a good thing.

Saturday we leave for NJ to visit family and friends and to attend my 20-ish High School Reunion. I say 20-ish because I went to a REALLY small Christian High School. I graduated with 5 other people. No, that's NOT a typo. So we're having an all-school reunion of sorts. People are coming that went to the school up through 8th grade but may have gone on to public high school. And of the members of our graduating class, there are two confirmed. Me and one other.

It should be a good time. It's sunny and warm and I'm actually pretty excited to get out of town for a bit.

Reasons I Am Grateful Today

Wow. That's what I have to say after this weekend's very intense Foundations Training.

I am grateful that we were able to take the training with two wonderful social workers from Christian Family Adoptions. It may seem to some that it was a 'coincidence' that the training fell into place perfectly for our timing, but we know it was His plan.

I am grateful for the Foster/Adoptive mom and her 16 year old for coming to our training and talking to us from real life perspective.

I am grateful for the teen panel we had - one foster child and one foster-adopted child - who came to speak to us regarding the difficulties of being a foster child. And what NOT to do.

I am grateful that the heartbreaking stories that we had to hear this weekend did not break me. I am grateful that EACH of those stories has a happy ending, and that we will eventually be one of those happy endings.

I am grateful that I have a loving, supportive, fantastic husband. I am grateful that he makes me laugh, and that I know in my heart he will be a wonderful father. I am grateful that he wants to provide a loving home to the child or children that God has picked out for us.

I am grateful for being able to share this journey with you. And WE are especially grateful that we have the love and support of family and friends. Thank you.