Now that our Home Study has been approved, we have been on the receiving end of weekly bulletins from the State detailing the information of that week's available children. Usually we get them on Friday, but this week they came on Thursday due to tomorrow being a 'mandatory furlough' day for state employees.
Bulletins have a picture of the child/children. It also contains their ethnicity, race, birthday, first name and last initial, and what county/area they are in and their social worker's name.
On the next page to three pages (depending on how many children and how much the social worker decided to write about the child(ren)), it goes into very brief detail about the child's temperament, likes and dislikes, any behavioral/mental/emotional issues, what their progression has been like since they've been in foster care, and reasons and history of removal. It will also detail whether or not the social worker for the child thinks that it is a good idea for the child to remain in contact with any biological family.
I've been alright with reading everything so far, until today. Due to confidentiality reasons, Chris and I are not allowed to share our bulletins with anyone. I will, however, say that the reasons for removal of the children of one of the bulletins we got today literally made me cry at my desk. It is unfathomable to me that an adult, someone who is supposed to protect and love these children can do the things that they do to them. These are innocent, little lives that need someone to stand up for them, and when these parents (and I use that term loosely) choose drugs, and abusive boyfriends, and partying over parenting? I can barely stand it.
Today, looking into those beautiful faces, I cried. I cried thinking about how scared, and alone they must have felt, that the one person in their lives that was supposed to love and care for them, broke that deal. I know that if it weren't for the parents who couldn't parent those children anymore, Chris and I wouldn't have this option for adoption. And it's a catch-22. I'm happy for this option, to be able to serve the children in our community, and to bring children home to our family that we can love, and protect, and take care of, and make them feel safe.
Just the thought of what gets them TO this option really hurts my heart. I told Chris today that if I were a millionaire, I would apply for ALL of them. Every. Single. Last. One.