Sunday, December 17, 2006

It's Official. I am Knocked Up!

Fertility and the reproductive system of the female body are my specialty. No, I am not a doctor, I am simply a female who has been dealing with secondary infertility for three years. I know more about the cycle and process of getting pregnant and staying pregnant then I ever thought possible.

I also knew going in to our insemination on Monday November 6th, 2006, that our chances of conceiving were slim to none. Or 12% if you want scientific fact. So when I plodded downstairs to take a pregnancy test on Wednesday November 22nd, 2006, I was fully expecting a BFN. That's Big Fat Negative to you fertile folk.

So for what seemed like the eleventy billionth time, I peed on a stick, placed it on the counter, and finished doing what I needed to do. I got up, turned to look (it wasn't even 30 seconds later) and there it was. A BFP. (Big F-ing Positive. Cause at this point, you use the F word). I couldn't even believe my own eyes. I swear I stood there looking at it for at least three hours. But it was only a few minutes. After years of trying and a solid 5 months of poking, prodding, and various medical crapola, we had effing done it!! 12% chance of getting pregnant on the first try and lo and EFFING behold, we did it!!!

I raced upstairs to my still-sleeping husband (have I mentioned it was 6:00 AM?) and threw the lights on. By this time I am a blubbering idiot. "WE FREAKING DID IT!!" I am screaming at the poor guy, who is still trying to adjust to the overhead glare. "HOLY SHIT! We freaking did it!!" Chris had a huge grin on his face, he looked at the stick and said "Well look at that."

Fast forward to 7:00 AM when I made him take me to CVS to buy another test. I bought a two-pack and thank the good Lord above that I did, cause I screwed the first one up. Yeah, yeah, don't ask me how, I just DID. So now I had to wait until I had to pee again to take the last one. It was a digital test, and the word "PREGNANT" came up within thirty seconds.

We did it. We effin did it.

Friday, November 17, 2006

Last Stand at the OK Corral

Today was my last official day at work. It just completely snuck up on me. Three weeks ago I was looking at my last day and thinking it was so far off, and now Turkey Day is a mere 5 days away.

It was a bittersweet day today. I went to my last Staff Standup Meeting. I met with my boss and the new Corporate Sales Manager, and our other Manager to "pass the torch". I wrote ONE more contract today. I cleared out the office. My co-workers took me to lunch and then got me an ice cream cake. Then I made the rounds and started the semi-painful process of saying good bye.

There will be a lot I will miss about my time at the Hotel. There will be some things I will NOT miss. Overall, it was tough to leave, but a big relief all at the same time.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

We Go Live in Three...Two...One...

Chris left this morning. He got on a plane and headed out west sucka! I don't know why, but I always have to say 'sucka' when I say 'headed out west'.

He called me just a minute ago and said the words I knew he would eventually say. "There's no way we can live with my parents. They have too much stuff!" In the interest of maintaining a positive relationship with his parents, and having a little privacy, we're going to (GASP) Rent An Apartment!!!

OMG! I feel like I am 19 again and have to rent because I can't afford a house. Sweet Mary. I guess I have to keep reminding myself that we OWN a house. We just haven't been able to SELL the house.

However, now I have something big to look forward to. Our own place. Somewhere where I can unpack all of my stuff. And make it my own.

Look for me in the Valley at an apartment complex near you.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

They Took My Car...Again

So part of the whole relo package with the company is that they ship one car. Which is fine, because Chris and I are actually looking forward to driving across the country. Again. After all, the first time we did it, we may have just missed something. Though I doubt it.

Such was my story this morning. After another fitful night with no sleep (I just do NOT sleep well when my husband is not here), I woke at about three in the morning to the pounding of the rain on the roof. It always rains when we move. When we moved from Phoenix to San Diego, it POURED on the drive over. When we moved from San Diego to Connecticut, it POURED for eight straight days. And now we are getting ready to leave and it is POURING. I am seeing a pattern, though I am not quite sure yet what it means.

I had received a phone call from the auto shippers last night stating that my pickup would be between 9:00 and 12:00. Okie dokie. So here I sat, watching the rain, waiting for my car to be picked up. At around 11:20 (of course), I saw the mini carrier pull up. As I stood in the rain, waiting for him to finish the paperwork, so that I could get to work, it hit me.

We're moving.

I was at once anxious, and excited, and nervous. My palms started sweating and I felt dizzy. Should we really be leaving before the house is settled? I mean, it was ok when we lived in San Diego, because Phoenix was only an hour plane ride. Now we will be 5 hours away. And two time zones. It's all quite overwhelming.

I take a deep breath. It's only the start.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006


So I've decided that I'm going to keep up with this thing. I need a creative outlet and this one affords me the opportunity to do just that.

So what's been happening....let me think. Oh yeah! We're MOVING BACK TO PHOENIX!!!

We are so very thrilled to be moving back, we never thought we would be. However, the move will afford us some opportunities that we wouldn't have had here in Connecticut. And we are very excited about that. Add in the fact that Chris and I met, fell in love and were married in Phoenix, well, that's a big plus. And then there is all of our friends and family that is in Phoenix. Which is a huge plus.

The pros definitely outweight the cons on this one.

Monday, November 06, 2006


Is a long and arduous journey. And one that I never in my life imagined that I would EVER be going on. However, a series of unfortunate events has led me down this path of blood tests and ultrasounds, Clomid and Ovidrel.

It is what it is and both Chris and I seem to have accepted that, both of us determined to do what it takes to get through this and get what we want. I guess that's half the battle.

Monday, August 28, 2006

What the Hell Is Going On Around Here?

I look at the date of my last entry and think - am I really that busy? Is there really no time for me to do one little humourous entry into my online journal? Or is it that maybe the magic is gone? Yes, that could be it, the magic has disappeared from this online thing.

So I will simply say not to expect too much from me for a while. I am in a creative funk. I went into my scrap studio last night and tried to create. Nothing.

Saturday, May 27, 2006


I have not played the game of golf for very long. In fact, the last time I actually played was when we still lived in Phoenix, a good two years ago.

So when I had the chance to play in a charity golf tournament with my husband and two of our friends, I jumped at the chance. Especially since it was for charity and there was really no pressure on me to perform well.

We arrived at the golf course at 8:40 am on Friday, ready to smack some balls around. I had my clubs, some new shoes, and pretty pink balls. Let me tell you how excited I am about these balls! They have a clear plastic cover, which gives the pink on the inside a depth that just is a visual masterpiece. Seriously, I was impressed with my golf balls!

At 10:00 am, we finally got off to start the tournament. It was a scramble format with a shotgun start, and our team started on hole dos. That's two for all of you gringos. The men tee'd off and we women stood back and admired their strength! Woo hoo! We were off to a good start.

Hole three was interesting as one of the guys in our group (coughcoughAARONcoughcough) was trying to chip onto the green, a mere 5 yards away, and swung for the fences, clearing the golf course and scaring the bejeesus out of some soccer mom in her mini van on the road adjacent to the course. On a side note, I wonder how many golf balls these people who live in the houses surrounding the course find in their yards on any given day. I know two of them will find some pretty pink balls in the backyard soon. Moving on.

As the day wore on and the beer girl realized we were her best customers, we started getting fatigued. I did well overall, for not having golfed in so long. Chris did well, Steph did well, even Aaron did well. We had a good time, really. Mulligans and birdies abounded, beer flowed freely, there was some crazy golf cart antics thrown in for good measure, and tons of sexual harassment on the links.

Just another good day at the golf course.

Springtime in New England

Chris and I left San Diego on a beautiful Southern California day. The weather was fantastic, the breeze warm and beautiful off of the Pacific. The sky was blue with soft puffy clouds.

We arrived in New England a week later, October 1st to be exact, on a blustery, rainy fall day. It was dreary, windy and wet. The sky was gray. We had to make a trip to the mall to gear up for this crisp fall, since we hadn't packed accordingly, and our stuff would not be able to be unpacked until our house was bought and moved in to, a good thirty days away. We were bunking down at the hotel, and there wasn't a whole lot of room.

We moved into our house on November 1st. The leaves were a beautiful red and orange blur, and started falling en masse. By Thanksgiving, we had our first snowfall. We hibernated for the winter. It's difficult to do anything productive outside when you have spent the better part of the last 15 years in two climates that allowed for shorts and t-shirts year round.

So with a few false starts and teaser days, we actually broke into spring for good this week. Suddenly, we were renewed. We've bought flowers and plants for the yard. We bought new patio furniture for the deck. We gave the house a thorough spring cleaning today.

Chris and I sat on our deck tonight, admiring the cool Spring night air. We can honestly say that we are finally feeling like this is a place we can live in for a while. Mid-winter, we were planning for warmer climates. Right now, we're thinking this isn't that bad.

Of course, summer and humidity, two things that are by now foreign to us, are only days away.

Friday, May 12, 2006


On a whim and in between phone calls and meetings today I decided to revisit my Blog. Then I realized I haven't blogged in over a month. Well, ok, it's a DAY over a month, but it has still been a while.

So let me catch you up really really quick:

Work, work, work, Puerto Rico, work, work.

Yup, we snuck a quick weekend to PR in there. Chris' birthday was May 3rd and I decided to take him on down. Well, he hooked up the plane tix, and I, well, *I* hooked us up FAT with a hotel PR.

Puerto Rico is a beautiful island, full of beautiful, friendly people. They all are bilingual to some extent, with most of them being able to easily transfer between Spanish and English. Even that nice man who insisted on bringing me Midori Pina Coladas (and anyone at our Memorial Day BBQ Bash will get to taste those) and on bringing Chris DonQ and cokes while we lounged poolside for three days was a gem. Nelson was his name. His Spanish was impeccable and his English was really good.

Chris and I did what any fun loving American couple would do while on a short vacation. We sunned. Oh, we did some touristy stuff, but mostly laid by the pool and lounged. And drank. And tanned. And drank. And lounged.

It was a nice preview to our Jamaica T-minus 4 months one week and one day....and counting.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Cold - Crossfade

Looking back at me I see
That I never really got it right
I never stopped to think of you
I'm always wrapped up in
Things I cannnot win
You are the antidote that gets me by
Something strong
Like a drug that gets me high

What I really meant to say
Is I'm sorry for the way I am
I never meant to be so cold to you

And I'm sorry about all the lies
Maybe in a different light
You could see me stand on my own again
Cause now i can see
You were the antidote that got me by
Something strong like a drug that got me high
I never meant to be so cold

I never really wanted you to see
The screwed up side of me that I keep
Locked inside of me so deep
It always seems to get to me
I never really wanted you to go
So many things you should have known
I guess for me theres just no hope
I never meant to be so cold

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Busy Like A...

Like a what? Why does everyone always say "Bee"? Bees are pre-programmed to be busy, doing busy work. I wouldn't exactly call what I do "busy work". Yes, I am busy DOING my work, but it is always keeping me on my toes. Things can ebb and flow and the tide can change at any given moment. One minute, I am bored out of my skull and the next I am so busy that my desk looks like a filing system organized by a three year old.

There's a lot of thanklessness in the position I am in. Not so much from the clients, but from the management. Fortunately, I can lay my head down at night knowing that I did a good job. However, words of encouragement tend to motivate people, and sometimes a simple "Good Job" or a "Thank You" would suffice. The funny thing is that the management has been heard "thanking" those who are more pretty, or younger, or who have bigger boobs. Yup, I said it. And now it's out there. I'm not saying this person didn't deserve an enthusiastic "Great job" for a flyer she spent the better half of the day on (when my 12 year old could have whipped it out in about twenty minutes), but I am saying that the preferential treatment is a sight to behold.

As are the boobs.

I wonder if my husband will get me that boob job now.

Monday, March 06, 2006

It's The Little Things

I am a very visual person. It's a fact that most people find surprising about me because of my creative ability. And my creative ability usually entails the ability to visualize things in your head before putting them into reality. I am not one of those people who can go at something with no forethought and come out with a Picasso.

I tend to need to see something before I can quantify it. Take, for example, when I am reading a book. I can visualize the characters, visualize the setting. I have to, or else the mainstay of the story fades quickly and I lose interest. I can do this irregardless of whether or not the author has done a good job with the visual alliteration. I'll even sometimes change what the author wants me to see, if only because it makes more sense in my head.

I am an event planner. I plan parties, showers, and weddings. I will talk with my clients and doodle, sketch and make notes as I am talking with them. I draw out what they are saying to me, so that there is not much room for error. Sometimes I am completely off-base. However, 90% of the time, I am right on.

Take for example this weekend. I met with a mother planning her daughter's baby shower. As we stood in the room, talking about what she wanted where, I was sketching it on my pad. She took one look at it, and said, Yes! That's it!

I also met with a couple planning their wedding. I mentioned things to them that they hadn't thought of (which completely amazes me, considering my own OCD and control issues, but that's fodder for another blog), and one of them turns to me and says "You should do this professionally."

Cue the crickets chirping in the stunned silence.

I thought I was doing this professionally. I mean, I get a paycheck every two weeks. I plan and replan and plan again. I check and double-check every little detail. I may not be J-Lo with the headset and the apron full of pharmaceuticals, but I still do this professionally.

So I went home with a sense of accomplishment on Saturday. I had upgraded the Baby Shower, and booked a nice little wedding. I told my husband about the comment and he just chuckled and said "Well, maybe it's a springboard for something you can do as your own business!" Just what I needed to hear. Then he high-fived me.

He so gets me.

Tuesday, February 28, 2006


I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And my scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

Drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
I'm pissed cause you came around
Why don't you just go home
Cause you channel all your pain
And I can't help you fix yourself
You're making me insane
All I can say is

[Chorus:]I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

I tried to help you once
Against my own advice
I saw you going down
But you never realized
That you're drowning in the water
So I offered you my hand
Compassions in my nature
Tonight is our last stand


I'm drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
You shouldn't ever come around
Why don't you just go home?
Cause you're drowning in the water
And I tried to grab your hand
And I left my heart open
But you didn't understand
But you didn't understand

Go fix yourself

I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life
I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life

Right Here Waiting

I know I've been mistaken
But just give me a break and see the changes that I've made
I've got some imperfections
But how can you collect them all and throw them in my face

But you always find a way to keep me right here waiting
You always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting
And if you chose to walk away I'd still be right here waiting
Searching for the things to say to keep you right here waiting

I hope you're not intending
To be so condescending it's as much as i can take
and you're so independent
you just refuse to bend so I keep bending till I break
But you always find a way to keep me right here waiting
You always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting
And if you chose to walk away I'd still be right here waiting
Searching for the things to say to keep you right here waiting

I've made a commitment
I'm willing to bleed for you
I needed fulfillment
I found what I need in you

Why can't you just forgive me
I don't want to relive all the mistakes I've made along the way
But I always find a way to keep you right here waiting
I always find the words to say to keep you right here waiting
But you always find a way
To keep me right here waiting
You always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting
And if I chose to walk away would you be right here waiting
Searching for the things to say to keep me right here waiting

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

It All Felt Good

Remember my Patience and Timing post? If not, just scroll on down to the post under this one, and you'll see what I am talking about.

Well, my patience has paid off. I landed what I am anticipating will be the most fun and exciting job I have had. Ever.

I am finally at the point in my career where I can, well, focus on MY career. For six years I have been following my husband around the country in pursuit of his career. He is now at a place he wants to be, in a position he wants to be in. Enough so, that we can finally turn our attention to me and my career.

I have always wanted a job that is fun, creative, and fulfilling. And until now, I didn't think that I could get all of that. I'm not saying it's all sunshine and roses, because no job is like that. What I am saying is that this job will allow me to express myself, and be very social, and plan PARTIES, which, if you are ANY friend of mine, know that's something I like to do. And if you ARE any friend of mine, then you have most likely attended one of my parties, and you know they can be pretty fun!

So my patience paid off, the timing couldn't be better. And when I accepted the job, it all felt good.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Patience and Timing

Patience and timing. Two things that inevidably go hand in hand more often than not. When you are waiting for something, be it an answer, a job, or the UPS man, it's all about patience and timing.

Right now I am in the throes of a full-fledged panic attack that I may have done more harm than good to my career by choosing my current assignment. I say assignment because it is a temp thing. I am not a permanent employee, and I have not pushed the issue to become permanent, even tho it is past the time when I was promised that I would. I am five weeks into this assignment.

And lo, on the horizon, is an opportunity that was just TOO good to pass up. The details of which can be summed up by saying "Right place, right time."

I have met with the powers that be regarding this opportunity. Twice. I am now waiting. Patiently.

OK, maybe not so patiently. What choice do I have, however, in a world where noone's sense of urgency is by any means greater than your own?

I sent a follow up email yesterday, since the key decision maker was out last week on a business trip. You know how that goes, out of sight, out of mind? So I put myself back IN mind.

And yet, here I still wait. Relying on another to help to springboard my career back on to the path where I want it to be.

Right now, I consider my career on a "holiday".

Friday, January 27, 2006

Hold On

Hold On

I know this pain
Why do lock yourself up in these chains?
No one can change your life except for you
Don't ever let anyone step all over you
Just open your heart and your mind
Is it really fair to feel this way inside?

Some day somebody's gonna make you want to
Turn around and say goodbye
Until then baby are you going to let them
Hold you down and make you cry
Don't you know?
Don't you know things can change
Things'll go your way
If you hold on for one more day
Can you hold on for one more day
Things'll go your way
Hold on for one more day

You could sustain
Or are you comfortable with the pain?
You've got no one to blame for your unhappiness
You got yourself into your own mess
Lettin' your worries pass you by
Don't you think it's worth your time
To change your mind?


I know that there is pain
But you hold on for one more day and
Break free the chains
Yeah I know that there is pain
But you hold on for one more day and you
Break free, break from the chains
Some day somebody's gonna make you want to
Turn around and say goodbye
Until then baby are you going to let them
Hold you down and make you cry
Don't you know?
Don't you know things can change
Things'll go your way
If you hold on for one more day yeah
If you hold on

Don't you know things can change
Things'll go your way
If you hold on for one more day,
If you hold on
Can you hold on
Hold on baby
Won't you tell me now
Hold on for one more day
It's gonna go your way
Don't you know things can change
Things'll go your way
If you hold on for one more day
Can't you change it this time
Make up your mind
Hold onHold on
Baby hold on

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Overheard While Living My Life

Ever be walking around and hear snippets of conversation that make you laugh?

Here are a few I have been saving up for just this moment.

Overheard while waiting in line for lunch at the cafeteria:
1st Guy: Whats for lunch?
2nd Guy: Looks like meatloaf
1st Guy: Looks like it? Or IS it?
2nd Guy: Your guess is as good as mine.

Overheard at the coffee shop this morning:
Customer: I'll have a venti, soy, no whip, cinnamon dulce latte, and a cinnamon bun.
Cashier: A venti, soy, no whip, cinnamon dulce latte, and a what?
Customer: Cinnamon bun.
Cashier: Cinnamon bun.
Customer: Yeah.

Girl on a cell phone:
So I told him I loved him, and he told me he wasn't ready for it. READY for it? Jesus Christ I gave him the blowjob of his life last night for crying out loud. You would think the least he could do is tell me that he missed me!

Overheard in the video store:
Girl: I'd like to see it
Guy: Well then get it
Girl: Really? Or when we get home are you just going to not watch it?
Guy: No, I'll watch it, get it...
Girl: Really
Guy: No.

That's all I've got right now. Stay tuned!