Peek into our Weekend!

Daddy took Wyatt on his first scout camping trip this weekend.  The theme was Knights of the Roundtable, and they also did a 'Tent or Treat'.  Chris and Wy headed out Friday night to assist in setting up, but the majority of the families showed up on Saturday.

Jordan had a softball double-header, so we stayed in town so she could attend that.

As soon as Chris and Wy left the driveway, Jo and I headed to Blockbuster to rent the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th Twilight movies.  We had burgers on the grill, candy and soda, and watched the Twilight marathon.  We're stoked about the last movie.

Saturday while I was at the softball fields, I got a text from Chris telling me that one of the dads had dressed up with a chainsaw (sans chain) and was chasing the kids around the campground scaring the crap out of them.  At one point, Wy came over and asked Chris to take off his night lights so the chainsaw guy couldn't see him.  For the grand finale, the boys were all sitting around the bonfire, eating their candy, and the guy jumped out at them.  Chris said one of the kids threw his candy at him, screaming the entire time, and ran.  I haven't laughed that hard in a long time.  And for the record, my kid is fine.  He laughed right along with us retelling the story.

Jordan's team won their first game, and they tied the second.  Jojo is struggling a bit with her hitting, and so we're trying to figure out how to get her past that.

The boys came home this morning, tired, dirty, and more tightly bonded.

Wyatt proudly showed me his mosaic, his catapult that he built, and his shield.  He won the jousting competition, and earned three beltloops and a patch.  He was a proud boy.

And I'm a proud mama.

What's going on around here?

I'm grabbing a few minutes to myself to blog and write down what's going on around here.

I re-read my last entry and found myself shaking my head.  I feel like I am a pretty good judge of character, but sometimes even *I* find myself shaking my head at my complete lack of judgment.  That 'job' down there? Yeah, it didn't quite work out.  Seems I was mislead - A LOT - about the position, the state of the company, the opportunity, and the staff.  Sometimes a hot mess is just that, and you need to walk away from the smoldering ashes.

My kids came back from Arizona where they had a blast with their grandparents.  Our good friends Scott and Jason came to visit us and we enjoyed spending the weekend with them.  After that, Chris's brother Eric and his wife Misty came to visit for a few days.  And Monday, my kids went back to school.  Which means mommy has been waking up, making lunches, and getting them out the door.

I've actually been very busy, taking care of errands and small little projects that need to be done but could be put off while the kids were home.

Jordan is getting quite the reality check with her new junior high schedule.  She changes classes, has an elective, and a locker.  Wyatt loves his new teacher.  So much so, that his math has VASTLY improved, over the less than stellar teacher he had last year.  He WANTS to go to school, and she's amazing with him.  It's wonderful what happens when you have a teacher that cares, and doesn't just constantly complain about having 27 students in her class.

And I'm back in the hunt for gainful, SANE employment.  We'll see what happens.

This weekend is the last long weekend we get until October.  So we decided to take the kids to California and head to Magic Mountain and Hurricane Harbor!  We surprised them with it last night and they're very excited.  Chris and I want our children to have the best possible childhood we can give them.  Memories are way more important to us than things.  We don't buy our children a lot of things, but we do a lot to make memories.  We started behind the eight-ball with a very skeptical and cautious 9 (now 11) year old girl, and a shy and reserved 7 (almost 9) year old boy.  They've since come to understand that this is their family, and we are it, like it or not.  So while we missed some of their very formative years, we've been blessed in that we can do these things where we take trips and make memories.  Our most recent proof of the love our children have for our travel bug was when Jordan told us, in no uncertain terms, that she wanted to go to the family reunion in October.  We're most certainly going to try and make that happen.

So that's what's happening here in the Den.  It's a lot, and keeping up with it has been daunting.  So if you've called me, or emailed me, and I haven't responded, I apologize.  It's been a bit crazy.

It's WAY too quiet around here...

I've been throwing out my resume here and there and not really expecting any rapid responses, considering the state of the unemployment rate.  However, Wednesday I received a phone call and two hours after speaking with the recruiter, I was sitting in a conference room with the CEO of the company.  The company is a large-format printer manufacturing company based in Shanghai, and the CEO is a woman.  Which in and of itself is amazing, but when you consider that she is a woman in Shanghai, with a successful company that is about to go IPO in China, that's incredible, and admirable.

During the interview, we hit it off quite well.  It was a little challenging with the language (although her English is great, there's still that accent and the differentiation in inflection that can sometimes throw you off), but I think I did well.  And then it hit me.  She just offered me the job.  Right here, at the interview.  Holy crap!  I let her know I had to talk with my husband.  She asked me to call her that night.  I explained that I had a lot of upcoming commitments and she had no problem with that, or with the fact that I have two children I need to take care of.

Wednesday night we flew the kids to Arizona to drop them off with Memaw and Papaw, and turned around and flew back home in the space of about 4 hours.  We fly for free, and it was cheaper than paying the UM fee.

Yesterday morning, while sitting and drinking my coffee and doing various things around the house, it almost caught me off guard as I thought, 'Gee, my kids are sleeping in really....oh.  Whoops!'  Yep, it had momentarily slipped my mind that they are in Arizona.  We've had them home since December of 2010 and in that time, we haven't had any extended time together alone, without them, since then.  Let me rephrase - Chris and I haven't had any alone adult time outside of a dinner date or two since December of 2010, or roughly 20 months. That's not to say we are resentful, or angry about our choice.  This was our choice, and we embrace it gladly.  It's just that the reality of not having to make lunches, or fix snacks, or approve television shows, or do laundry, or clean up messes, or referee fights, or listen to tweenage drama, or talk about disgusting boy things really hit me yesterday.

My Wyatt is a talker.  He will talk from the time he wakes up until that noggin of his hits the pillow at night.  He will talk about anything.  He will give you a play-by-play of what just happened 2.7 seconds ago, even if it was YOU who was doing it.  He will be in the middle of a conversation with you and then suddenly switch lanes and be off on another tangent.  I've gotten used to it, staying home with them over the past ten months, but my poor husband has not.  And Wyatt LOVES his daddy.  So when he has daddy's undivided (or even sometimes divided) attention, he's off!!  Chris will sometimes look at me and I just laugh.  Welcome to my world, buddy!!

So to sit in an empty house, with just the sounds of the pool filter and the air conditioners running, is weird.  I'm grateful that my kids have this opportunity to spend some time with Memaw and Papaw.  I'm grateful that they are active and willing participants in my children's lives.  I'm grateful that they love them, and always have, without hesitation, since the day we learned we were bringing them home.  Adoption is not only tough on parents, who most certainly struggle with 'what if I don't love them like I would my own biological children', but it can be equally hard on grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and even existing siblings.  I have to say that our families have shown nothing but love for my kids, and for that I'm thankful.

Oh, and that job offer up there? I accepted and signed the official offer yesterday.  My carefree days as an unemployed SAHM are over.  Another thing I am grateful for is children who are old enough to come home after school and hang out for an hour and a half.  And that we live in a neighborhood full of children that my kids have already met and started playing with.  And the bus system.  That's a plus as well!

Staying home with them over the last ten months was great, but it's time for this mama to go back to work.  I'm not going to get into the debate of the SAHM vs. the WOHM, because quite honestly, it's not worth it.  Everyone does what is best for their families.  I did what was best for my family in California, and now I'm doing what is best for our family in Nevada.

Now if I could just convince my in-laws to move up here...

Sometimes, it's awkward.

I took the kids to the dentist today, to get a checkup so that it's something I won't have to worry about for a while after we move.  This is only their second time at this dentist, and only their third appointment since they came home.  Their medical records before this are a bit spotty (e.g. there is no record of their last dental appointment before we brought them home), and so I really don't have anything historical.

Their hygienist came out and asked me when Jordan's last panoramic x-rays were.  I told her I wasn't sure. She looked at me a bit puzzled and, as if trying to nudge my memory, said 'they usually take them at around age 8.'  Here's where it gets a bit awkward.

She was two months shy of 10 when she came home.  Also, I don't just offer up that they are adopted to everyone I meet.  It's their story, and I usually let them lead the way on whether or not they are ok with me sharing, especially if they are standing right there.

This time, however, I had to let the hygienist know that she was adopted, and she didn't come home until she was 9, and her previous dental visits were not consistent.  She was very understanding, at least her face didn't reveal any sort of surprise or shock, which I was extremely grateful for.

I sat back after she left and thought to myself, a little bitterly I will admit, that it must be nice for other parents not to have to explain that.  Not to have to explain that I'm not a bad parent who doesn't know what her medical history is, it's just that I don't have it.

I ran into this recently with Jordan and her softball team.  A lot of the parents were shocked that this was her first year playing.  Many times I was asked 'how come she didn't play before this?'  Thankfully, Jordan was ok with me explaining that they were adopted.  Once that explanation was made, it was no big deal.

It makes me wonder, though - how many times have I overheard a conversation and silently judged a parent for not knowing their child's medical history? Or judged because they may sidestep a question about that child's past?  How many times have I assumed bad parenting, and in all reality, it may have been a situation such as ours? How many times have you?

Everyday I learn something.  Everyday I am shown mercy and grace.  I try very hard to show that mercy and grace back.  And days like today make me realize I still have some growing to do.

Reality Check Please!

We've been focusing a lot on little man lately.  He's been going through some stuff and we've been getting some testing and help and so on... and throughout it all, I've checked in with my daughter to make sure she doesn't feel like she's being forgotten or pushed aside.


She assures us she doesn't feel that way, that she's fine.  And I'm relatively assured that she is.  Still, I can't help but feel guilty that there's so much energy being directed at one child.  


It seems that, thankfully, our little man is finally getting to that light at the end of the tunnel.  I've been able to take a breath and turn our focus a bit more to my daughter.  


And just when I feel I've reached the tippy-top of my guilt, I get an email from her teacher that says this:

I wanted to let you know how wonderful Jordan is doing and what a great person she is.  She knows how to have fun while still staying focused on the work.  Always positive, always energetic; helping everyone.  I've never seen a hint of discouragement from her.  She constantly sets a great example for her classmates, because everyone loves her and falls in line with her focus on the assignment.  Please have her cloned as soon as you can.  Nice work!

There are times in a parent's life when your heart swells and you feel such pride at something that you had NO IDEA you were even doing.  The immense pressure and guilt I've put on myself feeling like I've been pushing my daughter off in an effort to deal with the load I've had with my little one has been notably self-inflicted.  Why are we so hard on ourselves as parents?  Why are we so self-flagellating, questioning and scolding ourselves when we don't feel like we have made the right choices?  I try very hard to be a laid-back parent, letting my kids navigate their way through choices and being there as a gently guiding hand.  

And when I get to see the positive fruits of my labor, it makes my day.  

Be assured, parents.  You're doing a good job.

A peek into our weekend...

My weekend started on Thursday.  My {former} stepdaughter Ash came to town from Washington with her husband Jordan and their absolutely adorable baby boy.  They had tickets to the Celtics/Blazers game on Thursday, and I told them I would watch the baby while they went to the game, and that they could stay with us.  Jordan is in the Navy, and Ash just completed her schooling for her CNA.  They had a nice date night, and I got to play with the most adorable baby! 

My J was really trying to wrap her head around the relationships.  Ash is K's sister (my teenager), and since K is their brother, J finally said 'Oh!  So you're our sister too!'  It was so cute.  Before I could even correct her, Ashlee just said 'sure!  You can think of me as a big sister.'  Made me want to cry.  I thought it was SO big of her heart to say that.

Let me just tell you that their baby is SO good.  Even Chris was amazed at how good he is.  Smiling, laughing, sitting on the rug surrounded by toys, there isn't much that upsets this kid!  He's a good boy and they are truly blessed to have him.

Friday the kids had no school so I took a PTO day and made breakfast for everyone.  We got cleaned up and headed to the mall to walk around.  We ate lunch, and headed home.  I was making a nice family dinner for us of cesar salad, lasagna and garlic bread, and had left the sauce simmering while we were gone.  We came home to the most unbelieveable smells!  Delish!

W had a birthday party to attend, so daddy took him to that while Ash and Jordan went back to the mall for some things they decided to get.  I kept the baby, and J was outside playing with her friends.

Unfortunately, Ash and Jordan had to leave early Saturday, as Jordan had to report back for duty.  After they left, the kids woke up and we fed them and they headed outside.  If there's one thing those two love to do, it's play outside.  Which is great, because we've really had some great weather lately!

We gathered them up around 10:45 to head out and get some errands done.  We went to the Woodburn Outlets and bought them up some clothes.  Little Miss J scored at the Aeropostale store, while I hooked W up at the Gap.  I got some stuff at Tommy (my fave) and the whole family got matching shoes at Converse!

On the way home, we stopped at Famous Dave's BBQ for lunch.  Once we got home, the kids went outside to play for the rest of the afternoon.  When they came back in, we tucked them downstairs with the next Harry Potter installment (they've been watching the series) and let them watch that.

Sunday, we headed to church.  W was so excited about his spiffy new clothes.  He does like to dress up!  After church, we came home and dad went outside with the kids to do some yard work and I started laundry.

Chris and I have been discussing the need for a larger family vehicle, now that we have three kids (one being a 6' tall teenager).  We've been looking and keeping an eye out, and yesterday we found something.  After about three hours at the dealership, we drove home in a Pre-Owned Lincoln Navigator.  We got a screaming deal, WELL below Blue Book, and this car has EVERYTHING.  DVD Player, Navigation, heated and cooled seats, power everything.  It's honestly the nicest car we've ever owned.  We like it.

The kids were excited about the DVD player, and when we explained to them that it is NOT for trips to the grocery store, but for road trips, they were fine with it.

I have to say, overall, we have some pretty good kids.

Shopping. It's not just for the rich and famous! Bonding. It's a journey!

Chris took W to go register for baseball last night.  I decided to take little Miss J shopping!  I'm getting her to realize that sometimes it is FUN to treasure hunt at the Goodwill.  So off we went.

We walked into Goodwill and as we were going through the racks, I thought to myself 'Old Navy is right across the street.  And it's just about clearance time.'  So I looked at J and said "Let's go to Old Navy!"  She replied "Really?"  Sigh.  Their reactions sometimes still amaze me.  Then she proceeded to tell me that this was going to be 'the best day ever'.  Which would be fine.  Except any time we do ANYTHING that she likes, it's 'the best day ever'.  I'm struggling to get across to her that just because we go to the zoo, or go out to lunch, or order in pizza, or sign them up for gymnastics, doesn't make it the 'best day ever'. 

So while we were in the car, I told J "sweetie.  Dad and I are your parents.  Taking you shopping, and going out to lunch and going to the zoo are things that parents do with their children.  I need you to start telling yourself that this is it.  This is what a family is supposed to be like.  This is what a family does.  I know that you have had foster parents in the past tell you that they were going to adopt you, and then that fell through.  However, dad and I came into this process not to be foster parents.  We came into this process with the sole intention of adopting.  Now that you are here, it's ON!  Like Donkey Kong!"

J is having some problems with attachment.  She attaches for rewards.  In other words, she only shows affection when she gets something out of it.  She only engages with the family and gets excited when she is going to get something in return.  I know some of you may be nodding and saying 'um, yeah, so does my kid', but if you are the bio-parents of that kid, then it's different.  Trust me.

Case in point:  W will come up to us and give us hugs for no reason other than he just wants some affection at that time.  He willingly asks to help with chores, or carry things in from the car.  He engages with us, whether we are disciplining him or praising him.  Whether we are reading to him or we just smile across the room at him.

J will not do any of that.  She's the first to rush into the house from the car when we get home.  She only does chores when we ask her to, and only WHAT we ask her to do, nothing more.  We don't get hugs randomly, only when we've given her something.  She doesn't engage unless we make her.  When she is being disciplined, she gets a look on her face that definitely says: I really don't care what you have to say.  She disengages, and shuts down.  We can tell that there are times when she is only doing or saying what she thinks we want to see her do or hear her say. 

So we are working on reiterating that this is it, this is the final lap.  This is NOT her temporary home, it's where she belongs. 

I am hoping that my speech to her got through last night.  And all I can do is continue to reiterate to her that this is it. 

On a positive note - we're getting ready for her birthday bash!  She's going into the double digits and will be 10!  She's excited about her party, as are we.  Memaw and Papaw are flying up from Arizona and we're going to make a weekend out of it.  Should be a great time!

Mean Girls.

It was inevitable.  As is bound to happen in 4th grade, there was a little fracas yesterday involving the girls.  One girl was excluded and all the girls were talked to about cliques.  At lunch, a boy was made fun of, and once again, all of the girls were talked to about being mean.

When J got home, I asked her about it.  To her credit, the teacher did tell me that she stood up for her friend and is honest when the teacher asks her what happened.  We've been informed about a certain girl in J's class, and it seems she was at the center of the whole drama.

Chris and I were discussing it before talking with J and we agreed that back when we were in school, none of this would have been cause for the teacher to get involved.  The cliques were what they were.  I guess in the aftermath of tragedies like Columbine, school officials are tending to be a bit more cautious. 

We explained to J that we weren't going to tell her she couldn't hang out with this girl.  We want her to be the better person, to possibly have a positive influence on this girl, to be the leader in the right way.  I explained to her that being the mean girl is not the cool thing to do, and it won't get her anywhere in life.

Mean girls.  Sugar and spice and everything nice.  Or so you think.

The Nerve. It has been stomped on.

Today was difficult.  When our kids had their TPR (Termination of Parental Rights) hearing on December 7th, we knew that their case worker had offered mediation to the bio-parents.  We also knew that we had the full support of the kid's case worker and OUR case worker that we could refuse to mediate.  I won't go into detail as to why, but trust me when I say, it was in the best interest of our kids.

Fast forward to today.  My cell phone rang and it was the mediator.  She read me the list of the bio-mom's 'demands' in mediation.  I had to really hold my tongue on quite a few of them, and then professionally, but calmly had to tell the mediator that we would NOT be mediating.  In other words, the b-mom could go pound sand.

I've spent the rest of the day in disbelief.  These children were taken away from you, not once, not twice, but THREE times because you couldn't properly take care of and protect them.  Then you had a year to get your act together, but you couldn't do that, could you?  And now you are 'demanding' things from me?  Yeah.  Good luck with that.

I was able to vent on a message board I frequent to some women who I love with all my heart and who have supported me throughout this whole process, and continue to support me still.  <-- pardon that ridiculous run on sentence!

I appreciated the kind words and, I won't lie, the stand in solidarity that I got from them.

And now here I sit.  Still shaking my head in disbelief.  Writing this little blurb as I listen to my husband go over our son's spelling words with him.  Knowing that our daughter is safely tucked in her bed writing in her journal.

And knowing, that we are doing the right thing.

What I've Learned So Far

I need to get one thing straight.

I am NOT a mommy blogger.

I am a mom who blogs.

I blog about our kids, and the process, and our triumphs, successes and defeats. I share our pains, and our joys with you, the general public, in hopes that one day, I can inspire, influence, and encourage. Adoption, particularly adoption through the Foster Care system, is a cause that is near and dear to my heart.

I've learned that there is NEVER enough information given to prospective parents. I've learned that you need to throw out everything you've ever imagined your family will be. I've learned that there is no magic button to assist with attachment. I've learned that children who have been through so many placements will enact coping mechanisms that will often surprise and sometimes shock you. I've learned that even the youngest child can be cynical. I've learned that the things that make me sad about the way that some adults treat our children is nothing compared to what I actually see.

I've learned that it is a thin line between love and hate, and sometimes children don't see that line, or they tend to confuse the two.

The biggest thing I've learned is that I'm still learning. And the biggest thing that has surprised me is that I have a capacity for love and a fierce protectiveness that extends to children that are not biologically mine.

I'm still learning.

Week Two: We're still here!!

The kids had some friends over last night and ran around the house playing, played Just Dance on the Wii, and J did our friend's daughter, A's hair. It was too cute.

The boys had a little scuffle, and we worked it out with them. We all got to bed a little later than normal and slept in this morning.

So what's going on in our household? Well, as you can imagine, we're still adjusting to each other. The kids are slowly learning that when mom and dad say something, they mean it. Whether we tell them that we WILL take them to go see Narnia (and we did that on Christmas Day), or that a consequence will happen to something they're doing, and it does. We know that we need to follow through, and that will show them that we love them, but we mean business when it comes to following the rules.

I want my kids to be prepared for this crazy world we live in - as prepared as anyone can be - and learn that there are consequences to your actions. Whether they be good or bad. And that words can hurt as much as actions. And that sometimes, you can't get exactly what you want in life.

I will tell you that I think we're doing ok so far. I've managed to keep my temper in check, even when being pushed to the limits (which believe it or not, HAS happened!). I've also learned that Chris and I NEED to make sure we make time for just us. Even if that means a few stolen moments upstairs to connect while the kids are downstairs watching a movie.

It's been an adjustment, but one that I think we are making strides on!

The Price of the Kid's Rooms (Alternate Title: How we avoided eating ramen for a month!)

I've had a few people ask about what we eventually wound up spending on our kid's rooms, so I thought I would do a quick blog about it! You remember, I was lamenting the fact that just to outfit the rooms with furniture, we were looking at $2,000. And that was just for furniture.

So let's get started!

See this little pile of lumber?

That built two beds. Total cost, with hardware? $150.00.

With conditioner, stain, sandpaper and dry cloths? $80.00.

We turned it into two of these beauties:

Are you still with me?

I ordered both J and W's bedding from Overstock.com. Total cost for two sets? $122.00. Shipped. Her bedding was complete - with sheets and pillowcase.

His was only comforter and sham. So I had to buy him some sheets. At Target. On Black Friday. $15.00. Pillows? $7.00. Fuzzy red blanket? $15.00.

Alarm clock on his desk? $7.00. We already had the light, the desk and the chair. Score!

Rug on the floor? $29.00. IKEA! Mattress on the bed? $149 - IKEA!

Dresser? $59.00 - IKEA. Shelves? $39.00 - IKEA.

Total for W's bedroom, including linens? $496.00. LESS THAN $500!!

OK - now J's room. Same deal - lumber, stain, bedding, alarm clock, fuzzy blanket.

Her rug was $49.00 (IKEA) and we also had to buy her desk ($17 - IKEA) and her lamp ($39 - Toys R Us). We already had her dresser. Her shelves were $40.

Total for J? $492.00! Again - less than $500!

So for less than $1,000, we completely outfitted TWO bedrooms. Two mighty stylish bedrooms I might add.

And they are done. Assembled, decorated, cleaned and ready for two kids to come have the best memories possible.

I can barely wait until Friday!