Sunday, November 27, 2011

I've Been Stalking

Our adoption agency, All God's Children International, put out a call on Facebook a few months ago to share your blog with others who had gone through or are going through adoption.  I threw my blog address in there and promptly forgot about it with all the hecticness (is that a word?  It's red underlined, so I'm going to say no) of us getting the house ready for sale, Chris commuting, and the move.

I routinely peruse any new followers I have, and link back to their blogs to read them and see what they are about.  I love reading other adoptive mom's writing.  I love immersing myself in their feelings and thoughts while they are going through what we are going through.  I love getting those moments where I realize I am nodding my head and agreeing with everything they are saying.  I want to reach out to them, tell them that the other side is so close, and that when they are standing where I am standing, it will all be SO incredibly worth it.

And then I feel like a stalker.  Thoughts race through my head, letting in self-doubt, and insecurity.  What if they think I am crazy?  What if they don't like me?  It's my junior high insecure self popping up and whispering in my ear and I need to give her a stern look and tell her to take stock of everything that's happened.  I want to tell her to look at my beautiful children: one by birth and two by adoption, and let her decide if my insecurity has a place in this world.  Let her decide if my passion for domestic adoption - especially of older children in the foster care system - is insecurity.  And I am not surprised when she sits down and shuts the hell up.

I'm a 'tell it like it is' girl.  Sometimes it's gotten me in trouble; other times, it's lost me friends.  More often than not, I've been told it's refreshing because my friends always know where they stand with me. In the grand scheme of things, I won't change who I am.  I would rather slap you with honesty than kiss you with a lie.  I believe a large part of who I am comes from having to be honest.  Honest with myself, and honest with others.  And I won't change that now.  And I won't apologize for it.

And here I stand, one year and four days after learning that I would, indeed, be a mother again.  On November 23rd of 2010, we received a phone call that changed our world forever.  I couldn't have been more happy for that phone call and yet honestly, at the time it scared the crap out of me.

On the other side, looking back, I can smile at how far we've come.  And I just want to reach out and share that with everyone who's blogs I am now stalking who are going through the same process.

Is that weird?

1 comment:

~Just B said...

Not weird at all. I freakin' love honest you. I do always know where I stand. And I love that. You keep doing what you are doing.

Your kiddos are so lucky to have you!