Paging M. Night Shyamalan. I need to have a few words with you. Let's begin at the beginning.
My love affair with you started with a little gem called The Sixth Sense. Oh the twist at the end. Loved how dark the cinematography was. And that little boy - Mr. Haley Joel! What a find! What a treat! What a fantastic little actor. I found myself crying at the scene where he was locked in the little room at the top of the stairs being attacked by the dead people. Oh my mother's heart wretched for that little boy!
You tempted me with Unbreakable. You temptor you. Bruce Willis returns and Samuel L. is always a good character actor. And the twist? Oh GOD the twist was delicious! Fantastic! That Elijah caused all those tragedies so that he could find his exact opposite in the world! How perfect!
You teased me with Signs. Mel Gibson AND Joaquim Phoenix? Oh dear sweet Mary hold me. The struggle between faith and doubt. The love of family and mending broken hearts. So good. Quite possibly your best yet.
Then I fell in love with you after The Village. Yes, there were impractical parts of the movie, like how did she run so perfectly through the forest completely blind? I told those blasphemers that when you are blind, your other senses make up for it. So she had acute hearing and sense of surrounding. And of course, you brought me back Joaquim Phoenix. I wanted to tear Adrien Brody limb from limb during the stabbing scene. And I like Adrien Brody. That's when I knew you had accomplished what you set out to with that movie. And I thought I couldn't love you more than that.
Then you hit me with Lady In The Water. Wow. I was a bit disappointed. To say the least. And that's where I'll leave that.
And then this weekend. I went and completely wasted 90 minutes of my life on a little ditty you called The Happening.
First of all, I noticed that you were Writer, Producer and DIRECTOR. Well, were you absent most of the time, because either the directing was horrible or the acting was horrible and I have seen Mark Wahlberg, and Zooey Deschanel in other films, and they do NOT act like they are at their first acting class with Jack McFarland. No they do not.
Secondly - a pandemic caused by plants? Seriously? I was waiting, hoping, nay praying that there would be a good twist. Alas, not so much. I'm a little disappointed. To say the absolute least. I expect better from you. It's your fault, you set me up with The Sixth Sense. I've got a bar and you, my friend, have failed to reach it this time. I think the only thing happening in The Happening was my wretched boredom with the whole deal.
I know you will probably never see this little rant of mine, but from one completely enamored fan, I'm hurt. It's like you are completely resting on your laurels and now as long as your name is attached to a pile of cow crap, someone is going to fund it. I find that sad.
Do me a solid Mr. Shyamalan. Make me something GOOD. And put Joaquim Phoenix in it. Shirtless. That would make up for it all.