2 Months.

Saturday marked two months since we brought our kids home.  In those two months, we've been steadily learning how to relate to each other, and how the rules work (which goes both ways).  W has an amazing sense of humor, and I find myself cracking up at him at the most odd moments.  It seems his favorite is dinnertime.  That's when we all sit down together and it's W's Comedy Hour.

J is navigating the social anxiety-ridden world that is fourth grade.  FOURTH!  When did the mean girls get younger?  I didn't have to deal with them until 6th grade.  I was hoping for a little more time.  The need to be popular and liked is so overwhelming.  I feel the angst for her when she describes it.  I remember what it was like when I was the flat-chested freckle-faced gangly girl that the other girls (and some of the boys - I'm looking at you Shawn Wirth!) made fun of.  I remember feeling like I didn't belong.  I remember my parents telling me it wouldn't matter in ten years.  What I wanted to scream to them was that it WASN'T in ten years RIGHT NOW!  And that was all that mattered - RIGHT NOW.  And I find myself telling her that when she goes to apply for college, they won't ask if she was popular, or the head cheerleader, or the prom queen.  They will be looking at her grades, and her community service, and her involvement.

And as we all know, I got that look.  The same look I am sure I gave my mother.  And in that instance, I understood.  It's all I can do to simply give her advice, and things to say.  And stand back, and let her navigate it like I had to.  On my own.  I turned out alright, and she will too.

Today we have our monthly visit with Miss Emily, our social worker.  Then I have to take the kids to the doctor for their annual physicals.  Seems they haven't seen a doctor in quite a while.  It was the same story with the dentist.  (Don't get me started).

Today She's 10.

My daughter turns 10 today.

My daughter.  The one who I just met two months ago.  The one we prayed for, wished for, grew in our hearts.  The one that makes me laugh, the one that is so smart, and funny, and artistic.  The one that is starting to be boy crazy.  The one I watch and guide while she navigates the ins and outs of the social system at school.

The one who is fiercely protective of her brother.  The one who is struggling to wrap her head around the fact that this is IT.  That we are her forever family, and that unlike when other 'foster' parents have told her that they were going to adopt her, we MEAN it.

The one who I watch when she's not looking, and learn her quirks, and ticks, and habits.  The one who I strive to bond with over shopping trips.  The one who has such a thick, curly head of hair, that it takes me an hour to straighten it.

The one who is starting to develop and find herself.  To see herself for the beautiful, smart and confident girl she can be.  The one who is realizing, slowly, that she has found her place.

The one I love.

Planes, Trains, and Parties

We're ramping up here in the den to have a busy busy weekend.

My mother and father in law fly in Thursday night, and meet the kids in person for the first time.  The kids are so excited!  I told them that since MeMaw and Pawpaw fly in so late that they have to take a nap after school.  They both eagerly agreed.  WHAT?

On Friday, we're having a small party with our family and close friends at the house.  The in-laws used to live here, so they have several friends here.

On Saturday, J has her birthday bash at a local entertainment venue here that has bowling, games, and fun! Oh and beer for the adults!! <-- double

On Sunday, we're headed to one of the best brunches in Portland, right on the Columbia river.

Monday the in-laws have to fly home.  Just a quickie little visit.  But I'm sure not the last one!

A peek into our weekend...

My weekend started on Thursday.  My {former} stepdaughter Ash came to town from Washington with her husband Jordan and their absolutely adorable baby boy.  They had tickets to the Celtics/Blazers game on Thursday, and I told them I would watch the baby while they went to the game, and that they could stay with us.  Jordan is in the Navy, and Ash just completed her schooling for her CNA.  They had a nice date night, and I got to play with the most adorable baby! 

My J was really trying to wrap her head around the relationships.  Ash is K's sister (my teenager), and since K is their brother, J finally said 'Oh!  So you're our sister too!'  It was so cute.  Before I could even correct her, Ashlee just said 'sure!  You can think of me as a big sister.'  Made me want to cry.  I thought it was SO big of her heart to say that.

Let me just tell you that their baby is SO good.  Even Chris was amazed at how good he is.  Smiling, laughing, sitting on the rug surrounded by toys, there isn't much that upsets this kid!  He's a good boy and they are truly blessed to have him.

Friday the kids had no school so I took a PTO day and made breakfast for everyone.  We got cleaned up and headed to the mall to walk around.  We ate lunch, and headed home.  I was making a nice family dinner for us of cesar salad, lasagna and garlic bread, and had left the sauce simmering while we were gone.  We came home to the most unbelieveable smells!  Delish!

W had a birthday party to attend, so daddy took him to that while Ash and Jordan went back to the mall for some things they decided to get.  I kept the baby, and J was outside playing with her friends.

Unfortunately, Ash and Jordan had to leave early Saturday, as Jordan had to report back for duty.  After they left, the kids woke up and we fed them and they headed outside.  If there's one thing those two love to do, it's play outside.  Which is great, because we've really had some great weather lately!

We gathered them up around 10:45 to head out and get some errands done.  We went to the Woodburn Outlets and bought them up some clothes.  Little Miss J scored at the Aeropostale store, while I hooked W up at the Gap.  I got some stuff at Tommy (my fave) and the whole family got matching shoes at Converse!

On the way home, we stopped at Famous Dave's BBQ for lunch.  Once we got home, the kids went outside to play for the rest of the afternoon.  When they came back in, we tucked them downstairs with the next Harry Potter installment (they've been watching the series) and let them watch that.

Sunday, we headed to church.  W was so excited about his spiffy new clothes.  He does like to dress up!  After church, we came home and dad went outside with the kids to do some yard work and I started laundry.

Chris and I have been discussing the need for a larger family vehicle, now that we have three kids (one being a 6' tall teenager).  We've been looking and keeping an eye out, and yesterday we found something.  After about three hours at the dealership, we drove home in a Pre-Owned Lincoln Navigator.  We got a screaming deal, WELL below Blue Book, and this car has EVERYTHING.  DVD Player, Navigation, heated and cooled seats, power everything.  It's honestly the nicest car we've ever owned.  We like it.

The kids were excited about the DVD player, and when we explained to them that it is NOT for trips to the grocery store, but for road trips, they were fine with it.

I have to say, overall, we have some pretty good kids.

Shopping. It's not just for the rich and famous! Bonding. It's a journey!

Chris took W to go register for baseball last night.  I decided to take little Miss J shopping!  I'm getting her to realize that sometimes it is FUN to treasure hunt at the Goodwill.  So off we went.

We walked into Goodwill and as we were going through the racks, I thought to myself 'Old Navy is right across the street.  And it's just about clearance time.'  So I looked at J and said "Let's go to Old Navy!"  She replied "Really?"  Sigh.  Their reactions sometimes still amaze me.  Then she proceeded to tell me that this was going to be 'the best day ever'.  Which would be fine.  Except any time we do ANYTHING that she likes, it's 'the best day ever'.  I'm struggling to get across to her that just because we go to the zoo, or go out to lunch, or order in pizza, or sign them up for gymnastics, doesn't make it the 'best day ever'. 

So while we were in the car, I told J "sweetie.  Dad and I are your parents.  Taking you shopping, and going out to lunch and going to the zoo are things that parents do with their children.  I need you to start telling yourself that this is it.  This is what a family is supposed to be like.  This is what a family does.  I know that you have had foster parents in the past tell you that they were going to adopt you, and then that fell through.  However, dad and I came into this process not to be foster parents.  We came into this process with the sole intention of adopting.  Now that you are here, it's ON!  Like Donkey Kong!"

J is having some problems with attachment.  She attaches for rewards.  In other words, she only shows affection when she gets something out of it.  She only engages with the family and gets excited when she is going to get something in return.  I know some of you may be nodding and saying 'um, yeah, so does my kid', but if you are the bio-parents of that kid, then it's different.  Trust me.

Case in point:  W will come up to us and give us hugs for no reason other than he just wants some affection at that time.  He willingly asks to help with chores, or carry things in from the car.  He engages with us, whether we are disciplining him or praising him.  Whether we are reading to him or we just smile across the room at him.

J will not do any of that.  She's the first to rush into the house from the car when we get home.  She only does chores when we ask her to, and only WHAT we ask her to do, nothing more.  We don't get hugs randomly, only when we've given her something.  She doesn't engage unless we make her.  When she is being disciplined, she gets a look on her face that definitely says: I really don't care what you have to say.  She disengages, and shuts down.  We can tell that there are times when she is only doing or saying what she thinks we want to see her do or hear her say. 

So we are working on reiterating that this is it, this is the final lap.  This is NOT her temporary home, it's where she belongs. 

I am hoping that my speech to her got through last night.  And all I can do is continue to reiterate to her that this is it. 

On a positive note - we're getting ready for her birthday bash!  She's going into the double digits and will be 10!  She's excited about her party, as are we.  Memaw and Papaw are flying up from Arizona and we're going to make a weekend out of it.  Should be a great time!

Mean Girls.

It was inevitable.  As is bound to happen in 4th grade, there was a little fracas yesterday involving the girls.  One girl was excluded and all the girls were talked to about cliques.  At lunch, a boy was made fun of, and once again, all of the girls were talked to about being mean.

When J got home, I asked her about it.  To her credit, the teacher did tell me that she stood up for her friend and is honest when the teacher asks her what happened.  We've been informed about a certain girl in J's class, and it seems she was at the center of the whole drama.

Chris and I were discussing it before talking with J and we agreed that back when we were in school, none of this would have been cause for the teacher to get involved.  The cliques were what they were.  I guess in the aftermath of tragedies like Columbine, school officials are tending to be a bit more cautious. 

We explained to J that we weren't going to tell her she couldn't hang out with this girl.  We want her to be the better person, to possibly have a positive influence on this girl, to be the leader in the right way.  I explained to her that being the mean girl is not the cool thing to do, and it won't get her anywhere in life.

Mean girls.  Sugar and spice and everything nice.  Or so you think.

One Month Today.

It's been exactly one month since we brought the kids home.  It's been one month of adjustments, tantrums, and exhaustion - and the kids are going through some stuff as well (bah dum dum!).

In all seriousness, the last three days have seemed to be easier.  That's the best way I can explain it.  It seems that we're getting how to communicate to and with them, and they're getting how the rules work around here.

We've established family nights, chores, routine.  The days go by much faster than they used to, but that's ok.

J got the book 'The Care and Keeping of You' from me last week.  I recommend it to ANYONE who has a daughter.  I'm not kidding.  RUN to Amazon and get this book.  Like yesterday.  I don't care that your daughter is nine months old.  Get it.  Now.
I read the entire thing before I gave it to her and I cannot recommend it enough - have I said that?  She is 9, will be 10 on 2/12, and it was timely.  She's a bit more on the mature side, she's my 10 year old going on 15.  There are a few things that we all fumble on explaining, and this book does it well, and with language that isn't condescending or patronizing.









I also bought this one:
I haven't read it yet, and she won't get it until her birthday.  But I've seen her moods strike already and I want her to understand what she's going through.












I also bought this one:

Mainly because I want her to make good choices.  She has a good foundation with us now on learning to make choices.  She hasn't always had that, and I want her to hear it coming from another source other than mom.  You know, cause I am about to enter the time in my life where 'I KNOW NOTHING'.

This one is another birthday present.








And finally:
She will FUH-LIP when she sees this one.  Chris and I have decided we may start letting her stay home for little bits at a time.  She's almost 10, which in Oregon is when kids are legally allowed to be home alone (one of, I believe, only three states that has a law about age).  She's already asked, and we might as well start getting her ready for it.  Like I said, she's more mature than a lot of the 9-10 year olds I've seen, and as long as she can prove herself, I think she'll do well.









W continues to crack me up.  He's got a very good sense of humour.  He also has a HUGE heart.  We were at a friend's house this weekend for a birthday party.  The kids were all playing in the playroom and one of the little girls fell.  He stopped what he was doing, went to her, and helped her up, all while saying 'you're ok!  Come on.'  I almost lost it.  What a sweetie.

That's not to say he can't be a Cranky McCrankerpants.  Oh brother when he doesn't get his way.

All in all, it's going well.  We're settling in.  We're figuring it out.  And, dare I say, we're successfully parenting two kids who deserve to have a stable family.

We're still here.

The Nerve. It has been stomped on.

Today was difficult.  When our kids had their TPR (Termination of Parental Rights) hearing on December 7th, we knew that their case worker had offered mediation to the bio-parents.  We also knew that we had the full support of the kid's case worker and OUR case worker that we could refuse to mediate.  I won't go into detail as to why, but trust me when I say, it was in the best interest of our kids.

Fast forward to today.  My cell phone rang and it was the mediator.  She read me the list of the bio-mom's 'demands' in mediation.  I had to really hold my tongue on quite a few of them, and then professionally, but calmly had to tell the mediator that we would NOT be mediating.  In other words, the b-mom could go pound sand.

I've spent the rest of the day in disbelief.  These children were taken away from you, not once, not twice, but THREE times because you couldn't properly take care of and protect them.  Then you had a year to get your act together, but you couldn't do that, could you?  And now you are 'demanding' things from me?  Yeah.  Good luck with that.

I was able to vent on a message board I frequent to some women who I love with all my heart and who have supported me throughout this whole process, and continue to support me still.  <-- pardon that ridiculous run on sentence!

I appreciated the kind words and, I won't lie, the stand in solidarity that I got from them.

And now here I sit.  Still shaking my head in disbelief.  Writing this little blurb as I listen to my husband go over our son's spelling words with him.  Knowing that our daughter is safely tucked in her bed writing in her journal.

And knowing, that we are doing the right thing.

What I've Learned So Far

I need to get one thing straight.

I am NOT a mommy blogger.

I am a mom who blogs.

I blog about our kids, and the process, and our triumphs, successes and defeats. I share our pains, and our joys with you, the general public, in hopes that one day, I can inspire, influence, and encourage. Adoption, particularly adoption through the Foster Care system, is a cause that is near and dear to my heart.

I've learned that there is NEVER enough information given to prospective parents. I've learned that you need to throw out everything you've ever imagined your family will be. I've learned that there is no magic button to assist with attachment. I've learned that children who have been through so many placements will enact coping mechanisms that will often surprise and sometimes shock you. I've learned that even the youngest child can be cynical. I've learned that the things that make me sad about the way that some adults treat our children is nothing compared to what I actually see.

I've learned that it is a thin line between love and hate, and sometimes children don't see that line, or they tend to confuse the two.

The biggest thing I've learned is that I'm still learning. And the biggest thing that has surprised me is that I have a capacity for love and a fierce protectiveness that extends to children that are not biologically mine.

I'm still learning.

Week Two: We're still here!!

The kids had some friends over last night and ran around the house playing, played Just Dance on the Wii, and J did our friend's daughter, A's hair. It was too cute.

The boys had a little scuffle, and we worked it out with them. We all got to bed a little later than normal and slept in this morning.

So what's going on in our household? Well, as you can imagine, we're still adjusting to each other. The kids are slowly learning that when mom and dad say something, they mean it. Whether we tell them that we WILL take them to go see Narnia (and we did that on Christmas Day), or that a consequence will happen to something they're doing, and it does. We know that we need to follow through, and that will show them that we love them, but we mean business when it comes to following the rules.

I want my kids to be prepared for this crazy world we live in - as prepared as anyone can be - and learn that there are consequences to your actions. Whether they be good or bad. And that words can hurt as much as actions. And that sometimes, you can't get exactly what you want in life.

I will tell you that I think we're doing ok so far. I've managed to keep my temper in check, even when being pushed to the limits (which believe it or not, HAS happened!). I've also learned that Chris and I NEED to make sure we make time for just us. Even if that means a few stolen moments upstairs to connect while the kids are downstairs watching a movie.

It's been an adjustment, but one that I think we are making strides on!

Day Four. Calm. Peace on Earth. And such as.

So the last three days were...interesting. We went to a household of FIVE in 3.4 seconds flat. And the chaos and the testing that accompanies it was just as...interesting.

Chris and I are learning about currency. What works, what doesn't. A certain someone does NOT like to be sent to sit on his bed in a time out. Bang! Found your currency. (For the record, we've had two instances of 'go sit on your bed until you can change your attitude and you are ready to join the family', and one instance of a complete meltdown in Target. Poor Chris. He got the first meltdown!)

Another certain someone has to know what we are doing every second of every day. I've been working with her to just go with the flow. And what I can and cannot tell her about what we may or may not do.

So this family is making it work. I think today was the first time that the little one realized we love him, but we certainly aren't going to put up with his attitude!

And now I must go. We're headed to the library for new cards and some books!

We're Home!

We pulled into the driveway at about 9:30 last night. We unloaded the cars, and got the kids tucked into a movie while Chris got ready for bed. He's working in the mornings this week and I'm working from home and then I'm working in the office in the afternoons. It's going to make it easier on us.

This morning we all slept in until 8. It was...interesting. I fed the kids, have a load of laundry started, and decided I would blog really quick. We had a small meltdown late last night, but nothing I couldn't handle. It's a lot of change for a couple of kids who have had nothing BUT and if I ever thought it would all be sunshine and rainbows, well then I should be smacked.

So I've officially become a sorta-kinda-almost stay at home mom. I get to stay home with them when they are home, but I will be working while they are in school. Best of both worlds I say.

On a positive note - all three kids bonded very quickly last night. The Boy is relishing the fact that he is being 'looked up to' and is taking the responsibility very seriously!

Today I have to finish laundry, and then go through all the kid's stuff - clothes, toys, etc. It's all sitting in our garage in boxes. We're going to make decisions on what to keep and what to toss or donate.

And that's all I've got for today. Just our little family - figuring each other out!

Tomorrow

Tomorrow.

Tomorrow our lives change forever. For good.

Tomorrow we add two children to our home.

Tomorrow we double our little family.

Tomorrow I become a mother of three.

Tomorrow my husband becomes a daddy.

Tomorrow we no longer have any spare bedrooms.

Tomorrow we fill our home with noise.

Tomorrow we double our laundry.

Tomorrow my oldest son becomes a big brother again.

Tomorrow.

Tomorrow I will stop and thank God, again, for His guiding hand and blessings in our lives.

Tomorrow.

Update: December 13

So we had the kids all weekend! We had some challenges, as children are apt to do - they were testing our boundaries and what they could get away with. Especially miss J. She would very much like it if she could be in control all of the time. Given her history, she's had a bit of fast growing up to do. The good news is that she relaxed after a bit and let us be the parents and just enjoyed herself.

Friday after we picked them up and got home, (HOLY TRAFFIC!), we gave them the tour of the house and showed them their rooms. They absolutely LOVED them! Then we took them to the tree lighting in our downtown. They had a good time, and we were able to introduce them to a couple of our BEST friends.

Saturday was pouring rain. Buckets and buckets of rain. So much rain. More rain than should be necessary. Unfortunately, we had some errands to run. So we ran them. And daddy took them shopping for birthday presents for me, since we were going to celebrate my birthday on Saturday. I made some roasted chicken, roasted red potatoes, steamed broccoli and dinner rolls. They had all gone and gotten me an ice cream cake, so we opened presents, and had cake!

Sunday we woke up and it was a clear and windy day. We went to church, where the kids had a good time in their classes. Then we made the trek back to their foster parent's home. We dropped them off, picked up a bunch of their stuff, and headed to Eugene to make a quick stop at King Estate Winery - my favorite pinot gris! We did a little tasting, and bought some vino to add to our rack.

Chris and I decided to have dinner out, where we reviewed the entire weekend and what we had observed and how we needed to work together as a team.

The foster mom called me later and I asked her a few questions, she and I had a few laughs, compared notes, and hung up. I fell asleep. Hard.

Today we had our DHS Home Certification visit. We need a caregiver number to have the kids in the home.

This weekend will be the highlight of my year! The Boy flies in on Saturday, and the kids come home for good on Sunday!

Lots to do to finish prepping for the new arrivals!

The Price of the Kid's Rooms (Alternate Title: How we avoided eating ramen for a month!)

I've had a few people ask about what we eventually wound up spending on our kid's rooms, so I thought I would do a quick blog about it! You remember, I was lamenting the fact that just to outfit the rooms with furniture, we were looking at $2,000. And that was just for furniture.

So let's get started!

See this little pile of lumber?

That built two beds. Total cost, with hardware? $150.00.

With conditioner, stain, sandpaper and dry cloths? $80.00.

We turned it into two of these beauties:

Are you still with me?

I ordered both J and W's bedding from Overstock.com. Total cost for two sets? $122.00. Shipped. Her bedding was complete - with sheets and pillowcase.

His was only comforter and sham. So I had to buy him some sheets. At Target. On Black Friday. $15.00. Pillows? $7.00. Fuzzy red blanket? $15.00.

Alarm clock on his desk? $7.00. We already had the light, the desk and the chair. Score!

Rug on the floor? $29.00. IKEA! Mattress on the bed? $149 - IKEA!

Dresser? $59.00 - IKEA. Shelves? $39.00 - IKEA.

Total for W's bedroom, including linens? $496.00. LESS THAN $500!!

OK - now J's room. Same deal - lumber, stain, bedding, alarm clock, fuzzy blanket.

Her rug was $49.00 (IKEA) and we also had to buy her desk ($17 - IKEA) and her lamp ($39 - Toys R Us). We already had her dresser. Her shelves were $40.

Total for J? $492.00! Again - less than $500!

So for less than $1,000, we completely outfitted TWO bedrooms. Two mighty stylish bedrooms I might add.

And they are done. Assembled, decorated, cleaned and ready for two kids to come have the best memories possible.

I can barely wait until Friday!

Hustle Bustle...and a Merry Merry Christmas!

**Before you get started, you may want to grab a tissue. This warning sponsored by my girl Cheri.**

Wow was our weekend wonderful! (I just love alliteration, don't you?)

When we last left the Herren familia, we had just received a voice mail from our kids. We called them back, left a message, and then waited. And waited. And. Waited. I actually had to attend a work function for about two hours and could barely stand it. I was regularly texting my husband at home 'Did they call back yet?'

I got home around 7. Chris had gone out and put more lights up outside (this is our first FULL Christmas at the house. We moved in last year around November 20th and just did NOT have time to make it like we like it), and he wanted to take pictures, because we knew we were going to go see the kids on Sunday.

Then the phone rang. I yelled for Chris, but he didn't hear me. I knew he wouldn't be out there for any length of time, so I answered it. It was our daughter, J! Oh she was SO excited to talk to me, and talk about our family book! And ask SO MANY questions! Chris came back in about 20 seconds into the conversation, so he didn't miss much at all.

Needless to say, we talked to them for about an hour. It was an AMAZING conversation. They were so excited to meet us, and so overjoyed that we had been chosen as their family! We let them know that we would see them on Sunday, talked to their foster mom for a bit, and then hung up.

Saturday night, some of our VERY BEST friends threw us an adoption shower. To say that we were blessed is an understatement. They threw this thing together in a matter of a week, and as tight as things are for everyone, the kids got some really amazing things. We are SO THANKFUL for the blessings we received that night.

Sunday finally came and Chris and I were awake at 4:00 in the morning. The kids are about three hours away, and we wanted to make sure we were there in plenty of time to meet them, and hang out for a bit before we went to church.

We pulled into their little town about 8, and found the road (complete with a bridge) that we had to turn on. As we made our way up the mountain, we watched the GPS for the turn. But we really didn't have to do that, because they had made a sign at the turn that said "Mom and Dad! Turn here! Keep right!!"

Lost. It.

Over another bridge, and down a long driveway, and we had finally arrived!!! Our kids met us at the door and there was instant bonding. J asked me to French braid her hair for church. She LOVED her Christmas dress, as well as the necklace we bought her for the 'iecbreaker' gift.

W liked his cool argyle sweater vest (and put it on, because daddy had his argyle sweater on!). He also thought that the watch we brought him as his 'icebreaker' gift was awesome!

We attended their church with them, where we were introduced by both of them to all of their friends as 'mom and dad'. It was an emotional moment, as this community had rallied around these kids and prayed that they would be sent Christian parents. We were formally introduced during services (this church has about 50 members - it's a small town!), and the elders prayed over us, blessing us and the kids and our new family.

After church, we took the kids to 'town' to go see a movie. We took them to see Megaminds in 3D and we had a blast! Wanna see how cute they are?



(Disclosure: I'm able to post this picture, because their faces aren't easily identifiable)

We brought them back to their foster home, where we sat down and discussed transition. Since the kids bonded SO well to us right away (and why wouldn't they, we're awesome!), the foster parents told us that we could come get them on the 19th. J&W have a Christmas play that they are in that day, and we will go down, go to church, attend the play, and bring them home. For good.

Amazingly enough, my oldest son flies in for Christmas on the 18th. What perfect timing God has for us!!

So you may be asking - what about this weekend? Well... their foster mom drives a bus, and she will be bringing up the high school basketball team for a tournament this weekend, to a town about 1/2 hour from us. She's bringing the kids with her, and we will go pick them up, and keep them for the weekend!! Can you believe it? Again, God's amazing timing for us!

I'm so very excited about having them this weekend. And they are as well. I'm even more excited about the 19th. My house will be very full and very merry this Christmas!

Full circle. And God's AMAZING timing. And His Plan. All along.

He is so good.

The Voice Mail that Changed it All

Chris and I came home from work today, knowing that the kid's social worker was going to be telling them about us today, and presenting them with our family book.

I looked at our home phone and there it was, a message.

I played it. On speaker. It was J's voice - telling us that she thought the book was 'awesome' and that she can't wait to see us on Sunday. Her last sentence? "OK mom and dad....love you!"

We cried like babies. She sounded so happy and excited. And she has no idea how happy and excited we are as well.

Sunday can NOT come soon enough.

Christmas came early in the Herren house this year. Thank you Jesus.

What We've Been Up To

When we last left the Herren household, Chris and Stina were frantically trying to finish two little beds for two lovey kids.

Well, I'm happy to say we've got one completely done. We ran out of slats for the support of the second one. So Chris has to get more 2x2's today and we'll finish that!

Wanna see it? Alright!



Here's J's bed, assembled with the slats in place. W's will look the same. We bought their mattresses at IKEA, as well as area rugs, a bookshelf and dresser for W, and a set of shelves for J. She already has a dresser. Daddy will put up her shelves hopefully this weekend.

And speaking of this weekend: We're GOING TO GO MEET OUR BABIES!!! The case worker for the kids can't get out to them (they live an hour outside of the city) until Friday due to her schedule, so we talked with the foster parents, and they invited us to come spend the night Saturday and all day Sunday!! We had to decline on Saturday, because our wonderful amazing friends threw together a shower for us! They're calling it a kid-warming (I do love that), and it's this Saturday at 5. So early Sunday morning, Chris and I are getting up and making the three hour trek to go meet our kids. We'll go to church with them, hang out, see how their routine is, and basically get to know each other. We've been invited to stay all day and have dinner with them as well. I'm so glad we have a good relationship with the foster parents!

So the entire week this week after work will be spent on preparing the rooms. I found these AWESOME guitar hooks at Bed, Bath & Beyond that I am going to acquire for W's room (his room is decorated in Rock Star style!) and I want to get J a jewelry box of some sort.

So much to do, so little time.

16. 9 and 7.

Our rescheduled committee was at 1:00 yesterday afternoon. All weekend and morning, the weathermen kept warning us of impending doom! You know, snow? I cursed and muttered under my breath. And PRAYED that the snow would hold off until our committee was over.

And thankfully, we have a very brave social worker who hitched up the huskies, cracked her whip, and rode her sled to Eugene to represent us.

And who called us at 2:19 to tell us we had been chosen. We. Had. Been. Chosen.

In my head, I say that in an Oprah Winfrey voice. Go ahead and try it, I'll wait.

We called our families, who are very excited. We called our BFF's, they are super excited. And now we've released the news to the world. Chris and I are going to become parents. Together.

We've gone from one to three. Like THAT {snap}.

So I have a 16 year old, that has had Chris as his step-father since he was 5. And now we are going to have a 9 and a 7 year old. Three amazing kids.

We are so very blessed.

Our plan is to start visitation as soon as possible. We meet with our social worker this morning to talk details. We hope to transition over Christmas break. That way they have the opportunity to say goodbye to their friends, finish the school semester, and come home and start making memories.

We are so blessed.

How old are my kids? They're 16, 9 and 7. Thanks for asking!

Building a Bed. Or Two.

Chris and I spent the entire day Saturday looking at furniture. We need to outfit two rooms assuming things go our way on the 22nd, and we only have 7 days to do it. We looked at one place, and after figuring it would cost us $2300 to oufit two bedrooms, we decided to keep looking. We want durable, well-built furniture that will last, and still be practical.

My poor husband. I took him all over God's half acre looking at furniture. It was the same story over and over. At least $2,000 to outfit two bedrooms. Two. THOUSAND. Dollars. GAH! Do you know what I could DO with two thousand dollars? I can take those kids on a mighty fine vacation, that's what!

So I like to frequent Knock-Off Wood and drool over her plans. She's SO awesome. And talented. And I'm pretty sure when she speaks, angels sing. I happened to come across her plans for a twin farmhouse bed and said to Chris "we could totally do that." He agreed.

And this morning we set off to Home Depot to get what we needed.

I must call a sidebar here and ask: Isn't Home Depot supposed to be the GIANT of Home Improvement Stores? Ok. Well they had no kiln-dried 4x4 posts or 2x6 boards. You need to buy kiln-dried to ensure that there is no remaining moisture or sap, and that the piece you are making won't warp. So we bought what they had and brought it home. We'll find the rest tomorrow. Thank you counselors, you may return to your seats.

So for about $75 in lumber, this is what we've started on today:

Lumber Pile:

This is the layout of the 1x6 boards for the headboard piece:

This is the almost finished headboard and footboard. Because we couldn't get the 4x4 posts, we have to wait until this week to finish the sides and then start the rails. Honestly, with cutting and assembly, this took us about an hour. And it's our first one, so we were taking our time. What an easy bed so far!

What do you think??

There but for the grace of God go I

We received some pretty upsetting news today. Our committee was postponed because of the dropping of the ball on some pretty important information. Apparently there was some disclosure that should have been made to the families that wasn't. And the committee felt it was important enough to delay proceeding.

To say that I am upset, is an understatement. I was dreaming about my kids being home for Thanksgiving. About a table full of kids and laughter and fun. About heading out early the day after to go pick and cut our Christmas tree. About decorating and making memories.

Now that's been delayed for two weeks.

I have to remember it is all in God's timing. And that He is in control.

It's a hard lesson to swallow. And maybe a lesson I need to learn.

Today is the Day.

Today is it. The day we've been waiting for, anticipating, hoping for, praying for.

I'm nervous, nauseous, jittery, anxious, on the verge of crying, and I just want to crawl back in bed with my husband and just cuddle until we hear the news.

Our hearing is at 1 Pacific Time today. Please pray. Pray, send good thoughts, vibe, whatever you do.

Today is the Day.

November is National Adoption Awareness Month

November is National Adoption Awareness Month

Click on the link above for some information.

Please pray for our family, as we wait to hear whether or not we've been lucky enough to be chosen to become the parents of J&W, a sibliging group in the Oregon Foster Care System. Also pray for those families still waiting, and for the children who are also waiting. No child should ever be left without a family to call their very own.

One Week Away

We are one week away from our committee hearing. And I can barely stand it.

I have no clue what state I will be in on Tuesday, but let's just say that one of my co-workers graciously rescheduled a meeting we had set for that day where I have to present the first draft of next year's budget, and report on this year's YTD numbers.

She gets me.

So currently at work I am frantically trying to get as much 'thinking' work done as possible so that when right about 1:00 on Monday hits, I can lose my mind.

Yep. Good times.

15 More Questions

We had to fill out ANOTHER piece of paper today. I know, I know, there will be more yet still on the horizon coming down the pipe and so on. I'm just thinking that pretty much every question on this paper we already answered. In triplicate. And had notarized. On paper that was hand-spun by South American pygmy monks who only speak one week a year.

Ok, so they speak one month a year. Excuse me for the exaggeration.

Wanna know what they asked? Wanna know what we answered?

Well, alright!!

Describe any new information since home study. Nothing new to report

Please describe each other’s strengths. Chris’s greatest strengths are his patience and his ability to get along with everyone. He’s very patient and hasn’t met someone yet that he can’t warm up to. Christina’s greatest strengths are her organizational skills and her willingness to do things for others. Christina is very organized, and is always stepping up to help out her friends and family.

Why were you interested in these children? We are interested in J and W for several reasons. J likes to dance and do gymnastics and Christina was very involved with those when she was younger. W likes to laugh and be a boy, and we both were drawn to that. Mostly we were drawn to these two because they like the same things we like to do as a family, and we really felt that our age and experience could mesh with these two and make us a complete family.

In what specific ways are you a good match for the children? J loves to dance and do gymnastics; Christina grew up in dance classes, recitals, auditions, and doing gymnastics. W is in soccer; Chris grew up playing soccer, both recreationally and competitively. They both like to do things outdoors, we are an outdoor family. Most specifically, they’ve expressed a desire to be adopted, and we desire to adopt. ϑ In all seriousness, we believe that the opportunities, and stability, as well as the love of a forever family are something we can give them. Unconditionally. Forever.

Describe your stability as a couple. We have been together for 11.5 years, and married for 8. Throughout our marriage, we’ve moved across the country three times, been through several trying events (death, miscarriage), and have remained the best of friends. While we haven’t had a marriage full of puppies and rainbows, our faith in God and our ability to rely on each other through the tough times has definitely cemented our stability. We have thought long and hard about bringing children into our lives, and we wouldn’t do it if we didn’t plan on being together until we die. Divorce is not an option for us.

How will you meet the children’s emotional, social, and attachment needs? We have read several books and researched information on attachment and bonding. We are easily able to bond with our friends’ children, and believe that our hearts and compassion will allow us the ability to provide a safe haven for our kids. Our plan is to always be there for our children, as a soft place to land, and a solid foundation in which they can build their lives.

How will you meet the children’s physical and medical needs? We have already chosen a pediatrician and will be meeting with him if we are chosen at committee. We are financially and emotionally ready for any issues that may come up.

How will you meet the children’s cognitive and educational needs? Christina plans on reducing her hours at work, so that she is able to be with the children before and after school, and as well has the flexibility to take time off for volunteering in the classroom as well and being a clear and present positive influence in their lives. We are currently also researching private schools, and trying to decide which avenue would be best for the kids.

How will you provide ongoing connections to caregivers/bio-family? We are willing to provide updates via email, mail, photos, etc.

How will you prevent unsafe situations and promote safety? We believe that these children are at an age where they should be given choices, and learn from their choices. We will always be there to guide them, answer their questions, and educate them when necessary. Our first priority will always be to love them, followed by keeping them safe. We will prevent unsafe situations by always knowing about their surroundings, and teaching them by example.

How will you provide cultural connections? These children are of the same culture as we are. They currently attend a Foursquare Church which is the same church group we attend, and are actively involved in the church. We will continue that involvement. We are fortunate in that our youth pastor is one of our friends, as well as a father of an adopted child, and he cannot wait to meet our children!

What resources, services, treatment and/or therapists are available in your community? We have several resources available to us throughout the community. We are in very close proximity to Providence Hospital, as well as being in possession of two very good health care plans.

List at least three components of discipline plan. Our plans for discipline involve:

Information – we will set our expectations with the children. They will know and understand the house rules, and they will also be written down for them. We will review them when necessary. We don’t have a lot of rules, but we do have a structured family environment.

Understanding – when one of them acts against the rules, we will sit down with them to talk to them and understand why they did it, and get them to understand why what they did was wrong.

Consequences – dependent upon the infraction, consequences will range from time outs, to removal of privileges. Children need to understand that there are consequences in life, and learning them at an early age is paramount to becoming a successful adult. At no time will we resort to physical punishment or withholding of necessities (i.e. – food and water).

We have been reading the Love and Logic series and firmly believe in this method of discipline. Giving children choices, learning what their currency is, and teaching them from their mistakes is our plan.

What are your expectations about the placement? Our hope is that these children will come into our home and learn through our actions and our words that we are going to be there for them always. We understand the feelings of neglect and abandonment that may be plaguing them, and want to set out immediately to make them feel welcome, accepted, loved, and safe. We understand that this will not be immediate, and that as a family, we will all have to work on it. We are also very hopeful that since the kids are excited about being adopted that they are starting to have closure about the past and be hopeful for our future as a family together.

What do you anticipate your experience will be in integrating the child into your family? We have spoken with the foster mom several times and can honestly say that we feel the integration will be quick and relatively painless. She has told us how they have quickly adapted to life at her house, and that above all they simply want to be adopted. We feel lucky that we have had the opportunity to speak with her several times, and each time she has been so gracious as to be candid about their behaviors, their personalities, and their quirks. We’ve gotten a chance to ‘know’ them through her eyes and her words, and honestly cannot wait until we can bring them home.

So that's our story. Whatcha think?

Settle in for a Neat Story

Unless you've come across this blog by mistake, or you've been under a rock, you know that Chris and I have been diligently pursuing adoption through the Oregon Foster Care System. We started the process way back in April, and we were finally approved in August.

On August 6th, we applied for a sibling group, a boy and a girl, ages 6 (at the time) and 9. And we waited. During this time, we discussed things and always, ALWAYS included J&W in our discussions. We talked about how we would change things around in our home to accommodate the kids. We talked about the trips we would take camping, fishing, skating, etc. I talked about putting J in dance class, and Chris talked about putting W in karate. No matter what we did, and what other children came across, we couldn't get these two out of our minds.

Early morning September 9th, I woke up from a very vivid dream. I dreamt that Chris and I were standing on our deck. Our social worker pulled up in her car, got out, looked up at us and said "Good news! You've been chosen to go to Committee for J & W!" I woke up from that dream and looked at the clock. It was 3:30 a.m. My husband gets up at 4:30 for work, and although I wanted desperately to wake him and tell him, I chose not to.

That morning, I called him when I got into work and told him about my dream. He gave me a good-natured ribbing about it, and I told him I was going to email our social worker and tell her about it, and ask her to call the children's social worker.

I sent off an email to her, and made my way to a board meeting that I had to attend. While in the board meeting, my phone lit up (it was on silent) and a number I didn't recognize came across. I ignored it, and it stopped. Then it almost immediately lit up again, same number. I ignored it again. Several seconds later, my voice mail icon popped up. I was curious, so I excused myself to another conference room and listened to my message. It was our social worker, and her message was "I'm not standing in your driveway, but this is the next best thing. Sometimes dreams DO come true!" I immediately started crying! I couldn't believe that I was hearing this message!

I called her back and learned that we had been selected to go to committee! We didn't have a date yet, but we needed to review some more detailed information about the kids and decide if we wanted to go forward. We got the information, read it over together carefully, and decided we were undeterred. We were going for it!

Then we waited! Oh the state just tests my patience sometimes! Our social worker then went on a missions trip to Thailand and was gone from September 29th until today.

Today I received an email from her that said "I just heard. Your date has been set for November 9th at 1:00." This was quite possibly the best news we've heard so far! We have a date!! We've been putting our lives on hold, not planning anything concrete, waiting for the date.

So NOW what happens? Many of you have already seen this in the email we sent out, but here it is again:

What is Committee? It's a group of people made up of state employees, social workers, foster parents, CASA's (Court Appointed Special Advocates). attorneys, etc. who want to be on that particular committee to decide which family would be best suited for the children in question.

Do you go to Committee? No. The prospective parents never go to committee. The social worker representing the parents go to committee and state our case and present us to them. We've put together a family book with pictures of us and our lives and our social worker will use that along with our home study and letter to the committee to present our family.

How long does it take them to decide? They usually decide within 48 hours.

Then what? Then if we've been chosen, we go through a 7 day 'blackout period' where we get a large binder full of information about the kids. We get time to go through everything, take their medical records to a pediatrician for review (if we so choose), etc. Once we decide we're still going through with it, we let our social worker know, and can start transition. Also, after the blackout period, the kids are told that they have been chosen for adoption!

Then what? Gosh you people with your questions! Then we start visitation and transition. Transition gives the kids time to warm up to us, and gives us time to warm up to them. We haven't had the luxury of having them biologically and the bonding that comes with a pregnancy, so this is the next best thing. The Family Book is also given to them to look through, and get used to seeing us as their parents. Transition can take 2 days or a week, it all depends on the kids. I have a feeling we would have a quick transition!

Once they are transitioned, are they yours? We are then placed into a 'foster-to-adopt' status. We are their new foster parents, and our social worker comes to visit once a month to see how things are progressing. At six months, assuming everything is going well, she can recommend to the state that we finalize the adoption. It can take up to three months from then for the finalization. However, referring to the original question, YES, they are OURS.

What about the kids? Tell us about them!! Oh! Haha. Yes. The kids are a sibling group, a girl and a boy, ages nine and will be seven on Friday. The foster care system has a lot of older children in their care and Chris and I were really drawn to these two! They even look like us!

Can we see a picture? Unfortunately, no. Because of confidentiality reasons, we cannot show their picture until they are in our home.

So that's the latest! Keep praying! And I'll keep updating!

A Little Us Time

Have you heard about Groupon, or Living Social? They are websites that present a usually good deal on a local attraction - be it a restaurant, a massage, or a getaway. Two weeks ago, Living Social put out a deal that I couldn't resist. It was a one-night stay in a river view room, a bottle of wine, a $30 breakfast credit, and a $25 resort credit. The price? $169! Skamania Lodge is a gorgeous little place out on the Columbia River, in Stevenson, Washington. A quick one hour ride, door-to-door, from my house. I bought it!

When I called them to make the reservation, I found out that they had a Beer Fest this weekend! They would be having several local brewers onsite sampling their beers. They would have food, live music, and beer-themed buffets! I immediately made the reservation for Saturday the 9th.

I told my husband not to make any plans, that I had a Super Secret Date Day planned for him. Little did he know, that while he was away hunting, I had already packed his bag!

On the morning of the 9th, we got up, got ready, and I sent him to the car to wait. I had already put our overnight bag in my car, but I needed to grab some last minute toiletry items. Stuff I couldn't pre-pack else he figure out we were going away overnight.

When we got to Skamania, I informed him of our itinerary. He was a very happy camper! We made our way out to the Beer Fest tent, purchased our tasting tickets, got our mugs, and went to town! We had a great time, got lots of rest and relaxation, and we were able to do a little reconnecting. Which every couple needs from time to time.

Now back to reality. And no updates. But our social worker comes back from Thailand this week, so I can't WAIT to talk to her!

Be Still...

We had our monthly checkup call with Emily, our social worker yesterday. She's getting ready to leave on a missions trip to Thailand tomorrow. She'll be gone until the 13th of October, so two weeks.

There's a small part of me that is so impatient I can barely stand it. And I push that part of me down and remind myself that there is a plan. That God will prevail. And that we will have our little family. It's still tough to sit here and wait. I need things to move along. And that is when I am reminded.

Be Still.

It's so tough for me. Be still. Those two words that have never described me. I'm always go go go! There are most certainly times where I can sit and veg out by reading, or watching TV. On the outside I look as if I am being still. However, on the inside, my mind will race.

Be Still.

Be still. And KNOW that I am God. Psalm 46:10

The Ocho

Never in our history has the Spanish word for eight been more popular than when the movie Dodgeball came out in 2004. At the time, the fictional 'ESPN8 - The Ocho' was the channel you turned to for all things dodgeball related. That movie sparked the dodgeball craze, and the popularity of using 'ocho' as opposed to 'eight' in normal conversation.

What's that? Not in your circle of friends? Oh. Cho. HA!

Anyway - a few years later, along came Chad Johnson. Best known to most of you as Chad Ochocinco. Thanks to a relatively large ego, and a penchant for showboating, Chad legally changed his name before the 2008 season to reflect his jersey number, 85, or Ocho Cinco. On his application, he combined the name, to make it flow - Ochocinco. I'm not hating, he's one of my fantasy football players! He just better start kicking it into high gear. Four points for 44 rushing yards is NOT cutting it. Slacker.

Cut to today. Eight years ago today, I married my husband. He still makes me laugh until it hurts. He still says things that are so unexpected that they take my breath away. He still buys me little presents and sends me little messages that show me that he cares. He still knows when to let me vent and complain, and when to talk me off the ledge. We're affectionately referring to this year as The Ocho. Yes, I know we've just completed eight years of marriage and are about to enter into our ninth. But it's fun to say this is The Ocho.

So to my baby - Happy Anniversary. I love you more than I ever thought I could. And it gets better and better as the days pass by.

Chopped Champion!

I'm a big fan of Chopped on the Food Network. A big fan! So when my cousin Mike told us that he was appearing on Chopped in April, we were ecstatic! And guess what? He won the whole banana! The whole enchilada! The entire pie! (I'm running out of food analogies, so let's move on - thanks!).

When we went back East to my 20-ish high school reunion in May/June, we took the train into the City and went and visited him at one of his restaurants. He was very busy, but it was good to see him! I love Mike - he's such a great person, and a fantastic chef. He dropped the bomb on us that day that he would make a repeat appearance - but this time on Chopped Champions! (cue applause)

So tonight, tune in to the Food Network to watch my cousin kick BASS!**

Disclaimer - I don't really know if he wins, I just know he had a HUGE grin on his face when he was telling us. That is all.

Much Love!

The Power of Prayer

It's no secret that adoption can be a costly avenue. Adoption fees and expenses can add up quickly, and when you factor in the cost of preparing a room and necessities with a week's notice (sometimes less) it can add up.

I talk to Jesus in the shower in the morning. Yep, He and I have some pretty good conversations. I mostly talk, but sometimes if I shut my big mouth long enough, I can hear Him respond. Yesterday when I was in the shower, I told Him a few of my heart's desires, and expressed some of my concerns. He knows them, oh yes He does. I was laying them at His feet, unburdening myself, letting Him carry them. I'm pretty Type A, so it's really hard for me to relinquish control, although I'm trying. (Stop rolling your eyes or they'll fall out of your head!)

I have a friend who lives in North Carolina. She is married to a childhood friend of mine. Her and I have never - EVER - met in person, but you know what? It doesn't matter. I consider her one of my best friends because I admire her, her faith in God, her love for her family, and her dedication to her friends. She is blessed with such a kind and generous spirit, and I truly believe that God brought us together for a reason.

Now before you click off my post, thinking I'm going to preach to you, just calm your clicky finger a minute. I tell you these things because my faith is a large part of who I am. I have a deep rooted faith in Christ and I don't mind telling people. So that's the background.

Today I got an email from Melissa - she sells Scentsy. I got her monthly marketing email and thought to myself - I can have a virtual party on her website and all my friends can order from there! Perfect! So I facebook messaged her to tell her I wanted to do it. She messaged me back to tell me that she would call me - because she wanted an update on our process.

So she calls me, as she's driving home, and we talk about the adoption, and what's happening.

Then she asks me if we're doing a fundraiser. I tell her that, no, Chris and I are going to try and pay for it ourselves. She then proceeds to tell me that she wants to have a fundraiser on her site, with all of the proceeds going towards our funds for adoption.

Let me tell you. It's a good thing I have an office, because I completely lost it. Lost. It. I had to shut my door, and compose myself. What a RELIEF! Our friends and family can help us, and still do some shopping. And get a permanent Scentsy consultant. And see the power of prayer and the goodness of (wo)mankind.

So this post is dedicated to Melissa. I love you, more than you know. You are our angel. Thank you for walking with us in this journey, and seeing our desires, and listening to your heart. **KISSES**

To purchase and help donate towards our fund, please go to this website.

https://maa.scentsy.us/Home

On the right side, you will see Open Parties. Click on the Herren Family Adoption Fundraiser, and buy from there.

And if you don't know what Scentsy is, you SHOULD!

Thanks all. Stina OUT!

What's a Bulletin?

Now that our Home Study has been approved, we have been on the receiving end of weekly bulletins from the State detailing the information of that week's available children. Usually we get them on Friday, but this week they came on Thursday due to tomorrow being a 'mandatory furlough' day for state employees.

Bulletins have a picture of the child/children. It also contains their ethnicity, race, birthday, first name and last initial, and what county/area they are in and their social worker's name.

On the next page to three pages (depending on how many children and how much the social worker decided to write about the child(ren)), it goes into very brief detail about the child's temperament, likes and dislikes, any behavioral/mental/emotional issues, what their progression has been like since they've been in foster care, and reasons and history of removal. It will also detail whether or not the social worker for the child thinks that it is a good idea for the child to remain in contact with any biological family.

I've been alright with reading everything so far, until today. Due to confidentiality reasons, Chris and I are not allowed to share our bulletins with anyone. I will, however, say that the reasons for removal of the children of one of the bulletins we got today literally made me cry at my desk. It is unfathomable to me that an adult, someone who is supposed to protect and love these children can do the things that they do to them. These are innocent, little lives that need someone to stand up for them, and when these parents (and I use that term loosely) choose drugs, and abusive boyfriends, and partying over parenting? I can barely stand it.

Today, looking into those beautiful faces, I cried. I cried thinking about how scared, and alone they must have felt, that the one person in their lives that was supposed to love and care for them, broke that deal. I know that if it weren't for the parents who couldn't parent those children anymore, Chris and I wouldn't have this option for adoption. And it's a catch-22. I'm happy for this option, to be able to serve the children in our community, and to bring children home to our family that we can love, and protect, and take care of, and make them feel safe.

Just the thought of what gets them TO this option really hurts my heart. I told Chris today that if I were a millionaire, I would apply for ALL of them. Every. Single. Last. One.

The Dentist.

I've been a bad girl. I've been putting off some dental work that I've NEEDED to have done for a little while now. It's just that dental insurance, on a whole, is horrible. And the work I need done is expensive, and most likely only covered at the most 50% on my insurance. So I look at that number and say to myself - I would rather go on a vacation, or even a weekend getaway, for what this is going to cost me. And I do. Go on vacation. Not get dental work done.

It's finally come down to me needing to just bite the bullet and go.

So two weeks ago I casually asked my husband what the name of his dentist was. He told me. The reason I asked him is because this dentist is known for catering to the "Fraidy Cats", like me! I called and made an appointment.

At 7:00 a.m. on the morning of my appointment I was sitting in the waiting room. I was promptly called back and given the usual 'initial consultation and exam' gamut. They looked at my teeth, did a full set of XRays, and called the doctor over.

That's when things got crazy.

I have NINE freaking fillings that I need! NINE! In my defense, three of them are being redone. I also have been walking around with a broken tooth for, oh, I don't know, let's just say a long time. I've had a root canal done on it, but that's as far as it went. I always knew I wanted an implant to replace it, but have you SEEN the cost of dental implants? Plus, it can be a lengthy procedure. So we talked about that plan and he told me he would pull the tooth.

I also needed a cleaning. However, he did say that he was surprised that it's been so long since my last cleaning, and that my teeth looked really good. I take CARE of my teeth, I just don't LIKE being at the dentist. Hmph.

So fast forward to yesterday, Monday. Another 7:00 a.m. appointment. So not only is it Monday, it's also early, and I want to crawl back into bed.

I get in the chair, where I proudly tell the doc that I am going to skip the nitrous. He tells me everything he's going to do, in what order, and on with the show.

He begins by numbing me. Only when I say 'numb', I mean 'wondering if the left side of my face is still there'. I had to reach up several times because I just wasn't sure! Meanwhile, I had my iPod in, listening to some music. They SAY you should do that, and it will distract you. Except I had to keep turning it up because apparently when there are whining and grinding tools in your mouth, you can really hear them. Loud and clear.

So he does all the fillings first, and then we take a break. He comes back and finishes up shaping two of the fillings, and then starts in on the broken tooth. If I could just digress here for a minute and WARN YOU TO GET BROKEN TEETH TAKEN CARE OF RIGHT NOW, that would be great. So yeah, don't wait. Otherwise, he's yanking on your head, breaking more pieces of tooth, and eventually having to cut into your gum to get it out. From what I understand.

So then he cleans what he needs to clean, the hygenist polishes my teeth, and I'm out. Sat in the chair at 7:07 a.m., left at 9:33 a.m.

And I decided to go to work. It's billing for the month. I figured I didn't have to talk to anyone, so why the heck not?

Except the numbing wore off at about 1:30. And then the marching band moved in. And they were playing DJ Pauly D's new song "Bang that Beat". Not cool.

So I swallowed Ibuprofen and by about 3, they had gone home and left one lonely guy with a tambourine.

My honey sweetie lovey pie made me a delicious soft food dinner last night -one that I can only imagine will be something I eat when my kids finally put me in 'the home'. It was scrambled eggs, topped with melted cheddar cheese. Then we topped THAT with mashed potatoes. Don't knock it, it was actually really good!

I passed out around 9. Long day.

Pregnant. On Paper.

I shared with some people our great news of having an approved home study. A few of the girls commented back to me that I am now "Pregnant on Paper" or "Paper Pregnant". I love it!

So does that mean I can blame any weight gain on that?

Just asking!

Just A Little Email I Got Today...

I wanted to share a little email I received today:

Hi Chris and Christina,

Congratulations on the approval of your home study! Normally I would be mailing out a packet of bulletins for your review this week. However, if you would like to pick up the bulletins and your copy of the home study please let me know what day and time you would like to come in. If you would like me to mail the bulletins and home study I will do that this week.

Of course, I emailed her right back to ask if I could come pick them UP! In an HOUR!! Of course!!

Holy Hannah! This is happening right now!

Guess WHAT??

I have a rough draft of our written Home Study in front of me! Whoo hoo!! It's almost done! I've reviewed it (and parts of it made me cry), and I've corrected any mistakes on factual information, and sent my corrections back to the Social Worker. Which means we should have an approved Home Study document by early next week and we SHOULD be starting to look at kids to adopt by FRIDAY!

Did you hear that? Rather, did you READ that? FRIDAY!!! Are you kidding me? WOW.

On another note - my friend J stopped by this afternoon with her baby. What a GOOD baby he is! And what a relaxed mama she is! So awesome. We were together to plot and plan our friend C's baby shower. And that's all I can say about that because C reads this blog. Ha ha C! You thought you were going to get some skinny on here didn't you? Try again, sister.

Tonight we have dinner plans with some other friends, and then I'm heading out with a couple of girlfriends to see the former lead singer of Danity Kane, Shannon Bex, in her solo debut since the band was broken up by the uber selfish P-Diddy. Pretty stoked about that.

You all have a fantastic weekend!

Weekend Update with ME...not Tina Fey

This weekend is packed with goodness. Tonight my friend C and I are taking our friend N to dinner for her birthday! Yaya! The boys are having a 'bachelor' night. I'm sure much burping, farting, and video gaming will commence.

Tomorrow we have a party to attend in the evening.

Sunday we're taking The Boy to Mt. Hood to go on the Alpine Slides. Good times will be had.

I'll post some pictures later! Have a great weekend!

Home Study Commentary and Update July 2010!

Our social worker, Emily, came to our house yesterday morning for a visit and a chat with The Boy and us. She interviewed him alone for about ten minutes, and then we all sat down with her to talk about the neighborhood and our area and the types of things it has for kids and what research we've done.

We then took her on a tour of our house. She pointed out TWO things that we need to fix. We need to have gates on the inside stairs and outside on the deck on the stairs; and we need to have child proof locks on our medicine and cleaning supplies cabinet. Easy peasy.

What happens next? Well, according to Emily, she doesn't have to come back! That's right folks, we did it in ONE visit! She told us that she will have our home study written up in about two weeks, and then she'll email it to us for factual proofing. Making sure names and dates and SSN's are correct. That kind of thing.

Once that's done and approved, we will receive a large notebook with all of the current bulletins of children looking for forever families. She said that right now there are about 80 children in the system. I told her I wished I could take them all! It is SO sad to me that people are adopting outside of the US when we have SO many children here, in our own country, who need us! They NEED us!!

Sigh. I'm off my soap box. Forgive me, especially if you have adopted internationally. It's a choice each family has to make, and I understand that. I do. It just makes me sad when I see that Oregon alone has 80 in the system right now.

Moving on.

Chris and I need to start working on our Family Book. It's a picture and story book that you make for the child/ren you have chosen, so that they can see who you are and where they will live and the family activities they will be a part of once they are placed. It gives them a sense of peace knowing who we are, where we live, what we look like, and what we like to do. And she told us that when we narrate in the book, that we can use 'mommy' and 'daddy' and 'big brother' when referring to ourselves and The Boy. Awesome!

We also asked about bringing them on a trip out of the state in a few months (yes, I'm being entirely optimistic that God is going to place us that soon. He's moved everything else along quickly, I don't see Him letting us down now!) and she said that would be no problem, just no out of country trips! So awesome on that!

From the bottom of our hearts - we want to thank everyone that has prayed, and encouraged, and sent little notes, and checked up on us. We're so thankful to have you all as our friends and family on this incredibly awe-inspiring journey. I just pray now that God shows us the reason (or reasons!) for this journey.

Chris already has the carseat(s) picked out. So let's get this show on the road Lord!

I See You!!!

As most bloggers do, I have a stat tracker on this blog. No, it's not like Big Brother, it doesn't tell me your name, or phone number, or even blood type. What it does tell me is how I am getting my blog traffic, and where it may be coming from.

Sometimes I get traffic that comes from my link on my Facebook page. Sometimes it comes from a little message board I hang out at (shout out to the Peas!). And sometimes it comes from email updates I post to friends and family.

Either way, I'm glad you're here! Please stop in and stay a while! And leave a comment - I love them. Well, most of them. Anyway.

Have a great Fourth of July folks!

A Calm Weekend

Chris and I don't have a lot planned for this weekend. We have a work dinner to attend tomorrow night, and that's IT! Tonight we're making steak with onion blue-cheese sauce, a fresh salad and grilled corn on the cob. We're going to pop open a good bottle of red, and then retire to the theatre room (HA! I've always wanted to say that. It's really just the family room downstairs) and watch The Edge of Darkness with Mr. Gibson while we eat popcorn and relish the surround sound.

Tomorrow we'll hop on our bikes and head on over to the Beaverton Farmer's Market. We haven't been yet this season and I'm very excited about that. I'm even more excited to think about hitching one of those kid trailers to our bikes and bringing the littles! We have a fantastic fountain in the middle of our little downtown and the kids love to run through it!

Sunday we'll go to church, then come home and do some housework and yard work.

Right now, I'm enjoying the cool breeze and the 71 degree temps. Have a fantastic weekend everyone!

On Cruise Control

We're kind of on cruise control right now. Just hovering, waiting. My Boy is on vacation with his dad and stepmom for three weeks, and then he comes here for three weeks. Once he gets here, the Social Worker will come and interview him and check out our casa.

Until then, we're just...waiting.

In other news, we went camping this weekend and it was cold. And rainy. And we had to turn the heat on Monday (yes, the first day of summer) to take the chill out of the air. And this morning, Nick, my weather guy, (Well, he's not MY weather guy, he's the channel 8 weather guy...oh, you know what I mean) told me that the outlook for July is cold and wet.

Seriously?

Sigh.

I'm over it PNW. Really over it. Please bring me some nice weather. And soon.

A Quickie...

Heh. Maybe that's our problem.

Bah dum dum!

In roughly 40 minutes, Chris and I will be on the road to Detroit Lake, to camp for the weekend with some friends of ours! It's the official first camping trip of the summer. I'm so excited.

Yesterday Chris and I had our individual interviews and they weren't bad. Our social worker read our profiles (those 51 page martha's we had to fill out - God bless her!) and had some clarification questions.

Tuesday July 13th is our home visit. Bring it! Oh - and who wants to help me scrub my house to within an inch of it's life on July 10th and 11th?

Just kidding.

Sort of.

Have a great weekend. And don't postpone joy!

Sometimes He's Right. Sometimes.

My husband and I were discussing the coward anon poster over dinner last night. He looked at me and said 'open your comments back up. Those who know us, and those who understand everything we have gone through, will know that sometimes cowards just make comments without taking into account the entire picture. Besides, do you really think that person will ever come back to the blog again?'

I then had to explain to him that it irritated, then amused me.

But we also don't want our families NOT to be able to post. So I am sigh opening them back up.

On another note - I received a very uplifting private email from someone I came to know through an online message board that is now defunct. I asked her if I could use parts of her email. She told me the story about how OUR story has inspired her and her husband to start researching adoption. Awesome!

This is the line, however, that brought a little tear to my eye: I just wanted to let you know that your story inspired me, and don’t let the anonymous people get you down.

Thanks H!

A Little Vent - and an Update (near the end)

I started journaling about our adoption process in the hopes that it would eventually, someday, on a wing and a prayer, help someone else. At the very least, see what the process is. And at the most and in my wildest dreams - inspire someone to adopt.

I left the comments open so that anyone could post without having to register. I didn't want to be one of 'those blogs' that frustrates the casual reader because they don't have a Gmail account.

All of that had to change this weekend.

I made a comment on my last post about how I really want a girl, but that I know that Chris wants a boy. I went on to say that we were definitely getting two. It was an off-handed remark, and I was taken to task for it, accused of being 'cavalier' about adoption because they 'aren't dogs'.

Well, and excuse my language here, but no shit Sherlock.

Let me recap. Six years of fertility treatments. One devastating late cycle miscarriage. Months of being poked, prodded, injected, etc. Grieving the loss of that child that never was. Coming to terms with the decision to adopt. Having our lives completely analyzed and torn apart so that they can make sure we are suitable to adopt. Filling out massive amounts of paperwork, to include a FIFTY-ONE page personal profile. Background checks, fingerprints, CPS checks. Wanting to adopt a child from a system with a relatively HIGH level of special needs children.

Well, shoot! That certainly sounds cavalier to me!

Chris and I have been through hell and back with trying to start our own little family. We've prayed, cried, yelled, shaken our fists at God himself. We've fought, and grown closer, and our family and closest friends know our struggle. They've been there to support us.

So to have someone, an anonymous coward at that, comment on my blog about how cavalier I am? Well, of course first I was pissed.

Then I thought about it and started laughing. The last thing we are, is cavalier. I may have a sincerely dry sense of humour, but cavalier I am not.

With that being said, I want to keep the focus on the journey that we are taking to realize this dream of having a family of our own. So I had to put the comments on lockdown. You have to have a gmail account or be a registered Open ID user. I'm sorry to those of you who don't. It's crappy, but as they say - one bad apple.

And with that being said - I'll update you!

Chris and I had our couples interview on Thursday June 10. I think it went very well. We have our individual interviews on Thursday - mine is at 9, his is at 12:45. This is so that I can call him when I am done, and tell him what to say.

(To the anon poster - that was a joke. I figured I should point them out to you since you're apparently a Ruh-Tard*)

I'll update you when those are done! Thanks for reading!

*Total Hangover reference

Moving along...

We're back from vacation and glad that it's sunny today. Work today was really challenging. Really. Challenging. To the point where I feel like I may wake up and ask who shot JR. That challenging.

The one sunny bright spot in my day was a phone call from AGCI. Rebecca, specifically, telling us that everything is in, and we are going to start our home study! RIGHT ON! The BEST part of my day, bar none.

So here I sit, patiently waiting for a phone call from Emily, our social worker, to get the ball rolling. I am SO excited. We're one step closer to a little or two. I love littles. I especially love little girl littles. I had the privilege of spending the week at a school friend's house and I wanted to put her five year old in my pocket and take her home with us. LOVED her.

Then I got to see my other school friend Deana's 2.5 year old, Bella. Wanted to put her in my OTHER pocket and take her home with me. Yep, I've got baby girl fever. Oh boy. Or girl.

Chris wants a boy, I want a girl. We're definitely getting two.